Quiggy's World

God Hates Westboro Baptist Church

2011-03-03T00:52:00.001-06:00

The big news of the day is that The Supreme Court ruled that hate speech, as in the kind that Westboro Baptist "Church" spews, is legal. First let me say that the Supreme Court got it right. Like it or not, free speech is not just freedom for you to speak your mind, it is also freedom for someone whose philosophy you disagree with to speak their mind.

That said, I hereby advocate that anyone within a reasonable distance of the so-called "church"'s protest should band together and attend the same event. Carry signs like the one above. Shout louder than the "church" members. Just be sure that if it comes to blows that the media is nearby and make damn certain that these jackasses are the ones who throw the first punches.

Cat Toys

2011-03-01T00:52:00.000-06:00

Catapult

Cat Ball

Global warming, my wet patootie

2011-02-27T22:55:00.001-06:00

     A quick look at my library catalog reveals no less than 89 listings when I typed in "global warming". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't one of the causes of global warming the rapid depletion of trees? So, if each of those books is only one copy, and my library just happens to be the sole possessor of it, maybe that's not a big issue. But it seems to me that is not how publishers work. I'm guessing at least 50,000 copies of each one were printed, maybe more. And surely that is not the complete oeuvre of books that exists. Given the plethora of books, how does that hinder rather than help move along the so-called "global warming"?
     Not to mention all the hot air that the speakers are putting out when they spew their diatribes. I won't even mention that the past two winters here in south Texas have produced some of the coldest days I've seen since I moved here. (OK, so I did mention it...) And that just last month there was snow in Hawaii. Hawaii! I bet snow hasn't been in Hawaii in my entire lifetime before this year. 30 years ago we were going to have a new Ice Age, which we are closer to than the oceans rising and drowning us all, but I don't believe even that is coming soon.
     Somebody always has to have some crackpot Chicken Little theory to keep the public worrying. Remember Y2K? How'd that terror situation work out for you? Nowadays, it's the Mayan calendar and the end of the world in 2012. If you go hide in a mountain cave to wait out the coming apocalypse, be sure to let me know. I need a new TV.

Did anyone get the license plate of that car?

2011-02-19T16:17:00.000-06:00

The worst speed trap towns according to a link on Yahoo listed three towns in the top ten in Texas. No surprise there since Texas has three of the most populous cities in the the nation. (Houston, Dallas, San Antonio) What was a surprise was the fact that, yes, Dallas and Houston are in there, but San Antonio is edged out apparently, by..... Austin.

Yes, Austin, the most liberal city in Texas is one of the most greedy when it comes to nailing traffic offenders. (And make no mistake, that's what speed traps are all about. No city that uses speed traps really gives a flying fornication about your or their citizens' safety. All they care about is increasing their coffers.) But it is a surprise that a town with no real teeth in their homeless laws, allows marijuana use with a wagging finger, but not much else, and various other free-wheeing society actions would be ranked #3 on the list. (Houston edged out all the rest by double even what the nearest contenders had.)

As a rule, I don't speed, because as recently as 5 years ago I was limited to a bicycle because of a speeding ticket that I got in 1989. As a result of it, I ended up selling my car and had no good paying job for 15 years so was limited to bicycle to get around. I personally think people ought to slow down anyway. But speed traps are the bane of society. The article I read even mentions that some people have received tickets for doing a mere two or three miles over the limit. Now that's just ridiculous. Who among us hasn't had a slightly heavy foot at times? That's why most police departments usually allow a 5 MPH buffer. True, some scofflaws push that by riding at that 5 or 10 MPH over limit that those PDs allow, and thus make it trouble for the rest of us. But given the economic state of the nation as a whole, I think having speed traps to pickpocket unsuspecting motorists is a bit much.

On the subject of fun

2011-02-16T09:27:00.001-06:00

     Why is it that nobody wants you to have fun anymore. People see you enjoying yourself and immediately want to curb your enthusiasm. I was thinking this while dancing with myself in the canned fruit aisle of Wal-Mart. (I added that just to see what they'd do to me... )
      You can't smoke anywhere public anymore. Some cities have even enacted ordinances that you can be fined if you smoke in your own house with the window open. You can't go to the beach and kick back with some brewskis anymore, because not only will you have to worry about getting pulled over AFTER you leave the beach, some places are even harassing people who haven't even left the beach. Not a day goes by anymore where there isn't some action being taken in political circles to either increase taxes on, or maybe even outright curb the sales of fast food.
    I say its time to take back the fun from the fun police. Do something spontaneous and fun. The more strange looks you get, the better, if you ask me. Let them know you refuse to be bopttled up in a PC world. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go run through the aisles at Wal-Mart (I did it again...) singing "I'm a Little Teacup".

2011-02-13T20:35:00.000-06:00

The day after yesterday is the primary increment of time, usually represented by 24 hours, of the remaining sequence that began with my birth and will conclude upon the cessation of my existence.

With that said, I re-inauguate this blog. Hope you didn't miss me too much.

First Lady: First Time Traveller?

2010-08-09T17:56:00.000-05:00

According to Karl Rove, who was subbing for Rush Limbaugh on Monday's radio broadcast, The First Lady, Ms. Obama, would have been better serving the interests of the people of the United States if she had spent her current vacation in the "Estados Unidos" rather than "Hispaniola". Those were his words, not mine.

Unfortunately, the First Lady is in Spain (España). Unless something new has happened in the Obama administration, she could not be in Hispaniola even if she wanted to be. Hispaniola is the former name for the island which now comprises the independent countries of Haiti and Dominican Republic. It is on most maps I looked at as that, not as Hispaniola. It hasn't been Hispaniola for well over 150 years.

But if I am wrong and Karl Rove is right, then I want to volunteer my services to the country and be the next person to be sent back in time. Maybe I could be the one to settle once and for all the age old question of who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp.

Barguments #10

2010-06-21T09:21:00.001-05:00

From page 240: Name the five best sitcoms of all time.

I love comedies, whether they be movies, T.V. shows or even catching a stand-up show on Comedy Central. I ike stuff that makes me laugh almost as much as I like making people laugh myself. And I'll give every show that (purports to be) a comedy at least a couple of shots before I trash them. For instance, I tried to watch "The Office", but I think its just stupid. Maybe because I work in a different environment it just doesn't hit me the same way it does others.

On the other hand, I enjoyed working class blue-collar comedies like "Taxi", so maybe it is that different environment thing that runs my comedy sensibilities.

To get to the best, I will start out, as I am wont to do, running them down from #5 to #1.

5.Three's Company: I don't know if this show would fly in today's politically correct world. Not a guy living with two girls. I mean a straight guy pretending to be gay. The reason it made it in the 70's was because the idea was not deemed offensive, but I think it would be today. "Will and Grace" worked in the modern era because the characters actually were gay. And the landlords (Audra Lindley and Norman fell in the first half and Don Knotts in the last half) were all great as supporting characters.

4. Sanford and Son: Of all the comedies geared towards an African-American audience, this is the one that appealed most to me. The love-hate dysfunctional relationship between Lamont and his father Fred made #4 on my list because I always made sure that I was in front of a T.V. when it came on (even when I was on family vacation...)

3. Night Court: The goings on in a New York judicial system was absolutely hilarious before John Astin started making regular appearances oin the show, but the addition of him as a ditzy stepfather of Harry Stone was the best thing that happened in the show.

2. Seinfeld: I never had a neighbor like Kramer. I never had a ego-centric emotionally unstable friend like George, and I never had a needy ex-girlfriend like Elaine, but i related to the show because i could see elements of the characters in my own life. {The apology" episode was the funniest, even before I joined A.A. myself.)

1, Taxi: Number one on my show list. I wanted to date Elaine Nardo. I wanted to party with Reverend Jim. I wanted Alex to be my best friend. I wanted, just once, to have a chance to kick Louie DePalma in the kneecap. The show was only slightly funny in the early years, but when Chritopher Lloyd was added as Reverend Jim it got to be another regular weekly ritual. See the episode where Jim takes his driver's test to be a taxi driver.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvn-tBeLpCk

Time and Tide

2010-06-19T13:54:00.001-05:00

I was looking online yesterday, because i was curious what Grace Slick's (of Jefferson Airplane) real name was. I was surprised to find out the girl has gotten OLD. Of course, she's only slighly younger than my father, which I did not know until I looked it up. (And FYI, her name is Grace Barnett Wing) . But age has taken hold of her.

Yes, I know, it does everybody. Even me. I don't look like the twin of my high school graduation picture anymore. But I got to wondering how the other heartthrobs of my younger days were looking now. And at the risk of being called chauvinistic, I decided to post a few of them.

Linda Ronstadt

Olivia Newton-John

But not all have aged badly. Some look pretty damn good for their age....

Emmylou Harris

Stevie Nicks

Ann-Margret

(she's the one on the left. Lindsey Lohan just wishes she'll look that good at that age...)

Hollywood, being Hollywood, you can't say for sure whether these pictures are the real results of age or if the good-looking ones just have more plastic in their bodies than a truck of bottled water. And this is not meant as a commentary on getting old as much as a regret that our fleeting fantasies of the beauties of our memories do not keep up with the reality. I still have my Farrah Fawcett poster from the 70's, but even she barely resembled it towards the end of her life. And I'd still rather remember Ann_Margret ca. 1964 (Viva Las Vegas ) than from the 1990s ( Grumpy old Men )

Barguments #9

2010-06-16T10:06:00.000-05:00

The Basrguments thread returns. This weeks Bargument comes from page 14: Name the best television theme song of all time:

Here's the biggest question I had with this. Can you like a theme song and not like the TV show? I hate soap opras, and even more so the thinly disguised soap operas that pass for nighttime shows, like Melrose Place, the OC, and others, (though I don't watch much TV these days, so my knowledge is limited to before 2009) That said, one of my favorites is the opening to Beverley Hills 90210, even though I never watched the show.

I always liked the hard driving Lots of horns type themes the best. These almost always accompanied the action shows, for which I also had more of a liking. The coolest ones were almost always instrumental. The A-Team, Magnum P.I. and Petr Gunn to name a few had the driving beat (and of course, who would really get into an action show if the opening theme was Eine Kleine Nachtmusik ?)

Every website and TV show I've seen on this subject names Cheers as the show with the number one theme song. Although I will agree that it is pretty good, it still doesn't inspire me to excitement. Neither does the theme to my absolute favorite TV show, Monk. (I mean, Randy Newman...really? Short People and I Love L.A. weren't enough of an annoyance to inflict on the public?)

Which brings me down to the entry that takes the blue ribbon. and that is...

Just the opening drum roll alone would be enough to bring it into the top ten. Then there's those horns. And while Dick Dale and surf music are kinda dated this far into the 21st century, I do like that music that makes me think of surfing. And this is one of the few that still gets played on the radio, with or without a reference to Hawaii or the TV show. (When was the last time you heard the Cheers theme on the radio? 'nuff said.)

The Best Comic Book Series Ever

2010-06-13T22:11:00.000-05:00

     I always liked the Marvel stable of heroes and superheroes over anything DC put out. (The exception to that being Sgt. Rock, a DC character in charge of a n army company in WWII.) For the most part, I preferred Spider-man and The Incredible Hulk over Superman and the rest of the seemingly flawless cadre over at DC. Why? Because even at the tender age of 10 I had become a cynic. I knew that real people had character defects and problems in their lives. And the worst thing Superman had to deal with was someone discovering his secret identity. (Although how anyone could be fooled just because a guy wore glasses in his alter identity was beyond me, even then...)

     So I naturally gravitated to the Marvel heroes because they seemed more real. And, it seems, a certain title might have had a more profound effect on me than I realized. I was flipping through blogs yesterday and found an entry which just said something to the effect of "Greatest Comic Ever?" and a cover of an issue of "The Silver Surfer". I immediately remembered one of my favorites, the "What If...?" series put out by Marvel. I was in the process of responding when an unfortunate power outtage made me lose the connection (so I can't find the original blogger's entry...)

     By 1989, when I first came across books by Harry Turtledove and other alternate history writers, I thought I had happened on a new and fascinating medium. But yesterday's events triggered a memory in my deep past. I used to love "What If..?" The concept here is a main character, called the Watcher, who can see not only into our universe, but into many other alternate universes as well. Each issue took the reality we know of a superhero and told a story as if some important event in the character's life had been different, which is exactly how alternate history novels are written. The first series ran from 1977-1984. It has been revived a couple of times since then, but the fondly remembered ones are from that era.

     Here we found such titles as "What If Spider-man Had Joined the Fantastic Four?", "What If the Fantastic Four had Different Powers?", and my personal favorite "What if Conan the Barbarian Walked the Earth Today?" In this one, a critical event in Conan's life changes and he is transported through time to modern-day (1977) Manhattan (in the process probably causing the 1977 blackout...) He makes out with a well-endowed lady cabdriver and discovers that the Guggenheim Museum is an inverted clone of the ancient temple where he fell through the time warp.

At 48, I still like comics, but this is the only one i would actively try to get the entire run of (if I ever became rich enough to buy them... Some of them run as much as $32)

Saturday Night at the Movies: Better Off Dead (1985)

2010-06-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

     I hadn't seen this movie since I went to the theater to watch it back when it first came out. But I smiled as I saw scenes that remained in my mind even 25 years after last having seen it. i.e. A claymation sequence featuring a hamburger playing an Eddie Van Halen guitar and doing "Everybody Wants Some",   A hoodlum looking paperboy chasing John Cusak demanding he be paid "my two dollars.", and of course, Curtis Armstrong doing a variation of his Booger character (from Revenge of the Nerds) snorting snow. (Not drug "snow" but real snow).

   The premise here is a totally infauated teenager (Cusack) who has just been dumped by his girlfriend for the stud ski hero of the school. Several hilarious but unsuccessful attempts to commit suicide follow. Life as a teenager was never this complicated where I went to school, but then I grew up in a much smaller school.   Eventually the boy comes in contact with the French foreign exchange student who is living in the geek next door's house. they form a bond, and she helps him get his life back on track.

    As with most of the 80's teen movies, there is the obligatory scene where the hero of the film challenges his rival to a duel (in this case a skiing race down the most dangerous ski slope in town). And of course, all works out in the end, but I won't give way exactly how. This is still a funny movie, years older and much more cynical that I have become.

Break Time is Over

2010-06-12T21:26:00.001-05:00

Thats enough of the goofing off. I'm regenerating the blogs again. Even if I have to stay up after work to come up with material.

Barguments: Topic #8

2010-03-22T12:20:00.008-05:00

From page #47 : Name the five best bands of all time.

OK. This doesn't actually specify whether or not you are to list best bands in concert or best bands for music, so I am just going to list the best bands for playing their CDs in the CD player.

1.Steely Dan: Musically, I prefer Walter Becker and Donald Fagen et.al. over all others. Maybe its because I like jazz so much and the jazz feel to their albums is very relaxing and enjoyable. The best album by far is Aja

2. ZZ Top: The best band to ever come out of Texas, and still going strong some forty years later. They are also the answer to my favorite trivia question: What band, still performing, has always had the same lineup without ever changing band members? Eliminator put them on the national map, but they were big in Texas for years before.

3. R.E.O. Speedwagon: Up until Hi Infidelity this band was a great rock n' roll band. In recent years they have gone a little too far towards the mainstream radio friendly stuff, but the really kick-ass stuff was done before their primo guitarist Gary Richrath left the band. Nowadays, only one original member, Neal Doughty, is still with the band. (Kevin Cronin doesn't count since he was only on R.E.O./T.W.O. and then went off and didn't return the sixth album.) For the best tracks I chose the You Get What You Play For live album, but my favorite all-time studio album is R.E.O./.T.W.O.

4. Foghat:Unfortunately, Lonesome Dave, the driving vocal force of Foghat died several years ago. They still tour, I think, I never got a chance to see them, though, with the original lineup. The blues driven tunes are all feel good crank up the volume songs. Some radio stations play a severely shortened version of "Slow Ride" (the original Fool for the City version is just over 8 minutes long, not the typical 3 or 4 you hear most of the time).

If I had to pick a band based just on lyrics and political philosophy, definitely my first choice would be my number 5 band of this list, Rush. You only have to listen to a few songs before you get the impression that Rush is a thinking man's band. And they are. My favorite track, which doesn't get airplay unless I call in and request it, is "The Trees" from Hemispheres. Give it a listen, not only for the sound, but the words.

Eating San Marcos

2010-03-21T16:27:00.013-05:00

Eating out is a privilege. Good eating out is up to you.

This is a new category, one that won't be much use to anyone who doesn't plan a trip to San Marcos. Although I will review a more widespread chain franchise at times, a lot of the places I will be reviewing may exist only in San Marcos, Tx. Feel free to come to town anytime though, the city can always use your tourist dollars.

Piqasso's (the menu spells it that way, although, with the current marquee, I couldn't have guessed it before hand. Some fancy curlicues and artistic twists in the letters make it almost unreadable.):

This place just opened for business recently. The building used to house the Mr. Gatti's franchise. Mr. Gatti's closed this franchise down sometime early last year (or late in 2008, I forget). The people who moved in did virtually nothing to the inside of the building, and very little to the outside, with the exception of painting the artsy-fartsy letters. The inside of the building looks exactly like it did as a Mr. Gatti's. The left the long serving bar, which so far doesn't serve a purpose, but maybe they plan to start a buffet style dining.

The ambiance of the inside left a lot to be desired. Apparently the previous owners took all their tables and chairs, because for such a large place, there were only a few settings, leaving a hell of a lot of open space. It appears to me that the new owners were in a big hurry to open for business and did not want to spend a lot of time renovating. That's not to say the place was a dump, it's not, it's just lacks a lot to be made into a place that entices repeat business if one desires looks to go along with food.

As far as the food is concerned, there is a standard college town fare on the menu. i.e. a few styles of burgers, some pizzas, a couple of salads for the veggie crowd and some appetizers. Nothing you couldn't find just down the street at the next place catering to the college crowd. For my first experience, I had a turkey burger. The menu lays claims to homemade buns. They were pretty and I never have seen them on the bread rack at the grocery store, so that could be true.

For the most part the food was good. I have no complaints as to the service either. My chief complaint is that there is nothing to look at while you wait for the food. At least when it was a Mr. Gatti's you didn't have to worry about how you were going to spend your time while waiting.

Things I learned from Fairy Tales

2010-03-17T01:23:00.008-05:00

1. Never tell a stranger where you are going. Especially if that stranger is a talking wolf.

2. If you are lost in the woods, and see a house, make sure the mailbox doesn't say "Bears"

3. If you have a relative that likes to talk to mirrors, get that person some help. Fast!

4. Always use a reputable contractor when building a house in a neighborhood with a windbag wolf.

5. And above all, a man will always be attracted to a woman willing to shed clothes for him.

Bingo of the Week: 03/16/10

2010-03-16T09:58:00.003-05:00

The Scrabble Bingo of the week returns.

This week's bingo is vavasor. According to OSPD, this is a high-ranking vassal. There are a couple of 8 letter variations, if you have the available extra letter on the board: vavasour and vavassor.

Barguments: Topic #7

2010-03-15T10:23:00.003-05:00

From page 79: Which U.S. city has the best food? With a twist: Which has the best music?

As far as food is concerned, well, I haven't had the chance to eat in a lot of cities that aren't located in Texas. I've been to New Orleans, and I've been to D.C. (and a couple of stops on the way to D.C., but apparently they were pretty forgettable because I can't remember where they were).

All in all, I have to say the far superior experience was New Orleans. In particular, I went to a regular dine-in restaurant in the Garden District, Copeland's, that was owned by the same guy who owned the Popeye's chicken franchise. Had a bowl of gumbo that was fantastic. Also I stayed at the Clarion on Canal Street, and just a block or two up Canal was a little hole-in-the-wall Po'Boy shop that made an oyster po'boy that was worth every penny.

As for music, well, they don't call Austin the music capital of the world for nothing. No matter what your tastes, there's a venue for it; piano bars, rock halls, country taverns, jazz bistros etc. And 6th St. is as far as you have to go. It's a party atmosphere every night of the week. Thursday is the best night though, because most bars have no cover to get in.

Here he comes! There he goes!

2010-03-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

Due to numerous problems with my old computer, (including the fact that it had Windows 98 on it and I had no chance of upgrading with the system I had), I have been having trouble getting on to here and a few other sites. I invested in a new system yesterday. With the package deal, I got Windows 7, a far bigger gig, and let's just say I can whip in and out of the drive-thru before the next person has even decided what to order.

No more freezes, no more problems with certain websites not being accessible or usable (Facebook let me log on, but I couldn't do squat when I got there). I guess since my home PC sat idle for 3 years while I worked on other financial priorities, like a new car, I should have expected it to be obsolete, but I really thought I could make do. Apparently not. But now I'm in the 2010s. And good to go until this one becomes obsolete (I'm guessing sometime next Tuesday...?)

Saturday Night at the Movies: The Great Escape (1963)

2010-03-06T22:32:00.000-06:00

World War II movies are a great pastime for me, being the inveterate history buff (and former history major in college, too). Personally, I always preferred the action movies that involved the actually fighting (The Longest Day) or even fictional espionage stories (The Guns of Navarone).

But this one still holds a dear place in my heart, not the least because of some great dialogue. And dialogue is always a key attraction to me (which explains why a William Goldman scripted movie ranks higher in my ratings simply because that guy wrote it, even if the movie itself sucks.) This one was scripted by W. R. Burnett, himself no slouch, having also written The Asphalt Jungle and Hugh Sierra.

Steve McQueen is the headliner, along with a cast of others including (Sir) Richard Attenborough, James Garner, Charles Bronson, James Coburn, and a host of other recognizable faces. The plot involves a Luftwaffe P.O.W. camp inside Germany which is attempting to construct a tunnel to escape 250 prisoners and thus put the German armed forces in a tizzy looking for them.

Along the way you get several little sidelines, including one of my favorites in which the three American POWs (McQueen, Garner, and Jud Taylor) help to celebrate the 4th of July (American Independence Day, for those of you outside the States)
by making a batch of good old American moonshine.

Despite the fact that, if you know your history, the escape was not as successful as the planners hoped, the movie still manages to come off as somewhat of a feel good patriotic movie. Do yourself a favor, however, and get the 2 disc version so you can see the excellent special features, including a four-part documentary on a comparison of how the movie portrayed the events to what actually transpired. (There were no Americans in the camp when the real escape was attempted, but as the documentary states, no one in America would have gone to see it if it were an all-British cast)

This one gets my highest honor of 5 stars.

2010-03-05T20:18:00.000-06:00

After 3 years of simply making the library my second home, especially for internet access, I am now able to do this stuff from home again. Blazing trails where no man dares to tread, now I can be free to let my muse run wild (which it often does at odd hours, so be prepared for 2am updates...)

Saturday Night at the Movies:9 to 5 (1980)

2010-02-21T16:01:00.000-06:00

OK, I admit, being a male, that I might be disinclined to like this movie just based on that sole fact. So be it. But before you make that accusation you need to realize that I like several movies where the women get the upper hand in the business world. (Legally Blonde is a prime example. I think that one is hilarious.)

The characters are not exactly cardboard here, although I find Dolly Parton to be the most unbelievable singer turned actress ever to come across the big screen (and I actually like her as a singer). Lily Tomlin is the highlight of the movie and the only real shining star in an otherwise boring and unattractive comedy.

The DVD I got is loaded with special features and those were more interesting than the movie. I rate this one 1½ stars. And that is hightened by Tomlin otherwise I'd give it a resounding ½ star.

Barguments: Topic #6

2010-02-18T13:31:00.000-06:00

From page 101:

What song do you play on the jukebox if you absolutely want the entire bar to sing along?

There are two. And both of them are guaranteed to inspire a bunch of drunks to sing. One of them is Jimmy Buffet's Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw? The two things that are on the mind of nearly every guy in the bar and probably a significant number of the women. Getting drunk and hooking up, (assuming they are not already hooked up, but then they are still trying to get to that point at some time during the night.

The other is the last verse of David Allan Coe's You Never Even Called Me By My Name.

Well a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song, and he told me it was the perfect country and western song. Well, I wrote him back a letter and told him it was not the perfect country and western song 'cause he hadn't said anything at all about mama or trains or trucks or prison or gettin' drunk. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to this song and he sent it to me and after readin' it I realized that my friend had written the perfect country and western song. I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here:

Well I was drunk the day my mama got outta prison
And I went to pick 'er up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup..truck,
She got runned over by a damned old train.

I guarantee you if you play that one, there will be a loud chorus of drunks who wouldn't even get up and karaoke the song by themselves joining in with the rest of the crowd.

Saturday Night at the Movies: The Land That Time Forgot (1975) and The People That Time Forgot (1977)

2010-02-14T13:34:00.000-06:00

A double feature this week. Recently I bought one of a series of releases that MGM and Sony released called "Midnite Movies". Some (although not all) of these re-releases of classic horror and sci-fi movies have two movies on a single DVD. That was the case with this one. The movies star Doug McClure (co-star with James Drury on TV's "The Virginian"), and the premise is there is a lost world, located somewhere near the south pole.

The events take place in the early 1900's (the first movie states a date in 1916). in the first movie a German U-boat sinks a liner that has as its survivors McClure, Susan Penhaglion as the female interest and a handful of British seamen. After several transfers of power, (in which one or the other group unconvincingly gains control of the ship) the group find themselves lost in the south Atlantic.

At this point there is a mutual agreement between the two factions to work together. And at this point they discover the lost island of Caprona, according to the German captain, a land discovered by an Italian named Caproni, who tried but could not find a place to land on the island. This being a U-boat sub, they find an underwater passage, and discover the prehistoric land on the other side.

Skipping over to the second feature, Patrick Wayne stars as a friend of one of the original movies' group, looking for him. They too manage to find this lost island.

The island has a secret that I won't reveal here, but suffice to say that it is inhabited by prehisoric cavemen and some of the most unconvincing dinosaurs I have ever seen outside of a Ray Harryhausen claymation special effects movie. Now someone who is familiar with the movie company American International will say they made those movies on an extremely small budget". Yeah, I know, but still, in some cases you can tell the creatures are made of cloth or styrofoam.

Aside from that and the gratuitous fight scenes early on (mentioned above), both are good entertainment for their time and budget. If you can appreciate cheesy sci-fi, then you can hardly go wrong here.

Rate both of them 3 stars.

10 Things that Make Me Happy

2010-02-11T14:07:00.000-06:00

Got this from Howard's In Purple I'm Stunning 2.0 blog. Thanks, Howard.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

10. Comedians. I'm a nut myself, and a bizarre one at that, so it should come as no surprise that my favorite is Steven Wright, but I like all comedians.

9. Pizza. A diet book I'm reading says I should give up cheese. Either I'm going to throw the book in the trash or i'm going to have to find a pizza place that will make mine with imitation cheese, because I'm not giving up this indulgence.

8. Writing. I am a creative animal. Although I am not as active as I have been in the past, I have crafted poems and a few short stories. Nothing published as yet, but that's not the point for me.

7. Sudoku. A logic puzzle that involves numbers but does not require any math to solve. If you don't know what it is, you should check it out. Like chess, it's easy to learn, but sometimes hard to solve the conundrum of success.

6. History. I majored in history when I was still trying to gain a degree. Like to tour historical sites, and, a weird side of me likes to wander through old cemetaries looking at tombstones.

5. Reading. Love to read. My earliest recollection of childhood is being taught to read by Mary Phillips, a HS student who I imagine went on to be a teacher. We read a Bugs Bunny book.

4. Movies. I never got around to getting the HD converter (nothing on TV worth watching anyway except sports). I watch a lot of movies on DVD as a result, and like to spend time after work relaxing with one.

3. Pennie. I acquired the job as caretaker and facilitator of the lifestyle of a grey tabby while I was on unemployment. She is a very independent creature, but when I turn on my car alarm at 2am on arriving home, more often than not she hears it and is up in the window waiting on me. I named her "Pennie" with the "ie" at the end instead of a "y' just to be different.

2. Valentine's Day. For years I have had a tradition of sending a carnation 9or in more prosperous years a rose) to each of my female coworkers at work. Not for any expected liaison, just for the pure enjoyment of brightening their days.

1. The Dallas Cowboys losing: Living in Texas and not liking the misnamed "America's Team" can be hell. It sure makes it better when I can go out the door floating in stead of drug down by gloating fans.

Barguments Topic #5

2010-02-11T13:46:00.000-06:00

from page 36:

What is the greatest sports movie of all time?

I can't do justice to this one in general terms. I know it violates the spirit of the question, but I have to divide it into a few categories. it all depends on what sport I want to watch a movie about. And I am a big football fan, but i like movies on many different sports.

Baseball: I find my personal favorite is Eight Men Out, the movie about the "Black Sox scandal", where members of the Chicago White Sox worked in collusion with gamblers to throw the 1919 World Series. A lot of names on the horizon were in this one: John Cusack, Charlie Sheen, David Strathairn, D. B. Sweeney.

Basketball: Nothing tops Hoosiers for sheer fun and feel-goodness. The story of a small town Indiana team whose high school team, against all odds, makes it to the state playoffs in basketball. With great performances by Gene Hackman as a down on his luck coach and Dennis Hopper as a former high school star and current town drunk.

Boxing: Is there anything better than Rocky? The Academy Award winner was well deserving of its accolades, and besides, anything in which Sly doesn't play his usual cardboard tough guy character is worth the time.

Football: One that misses most lists, but I can watch this one again and again. The Longest Yard. Not that piece of crap remake with Adam Sandler but the original with Burt Reynolds. Not an across the board big time Burt fan, but he had a few in the 70's that I can stand to watch multiple times.

Super Bowl XLIV

2010-02-08T14:20:00.000-06:00

The New Orleans Saints used to be the whipping boys of the NFL. Everybody loved when the Saints were on the schedule because it usually meant a win. (Kinda like the Detroit Lions are these days.) They had a few stellar seasons, but even then they almost always lost in the first playoff game.

My late fiancee, Glenda, was an example of the true Saints fan, faith exemplified in the fact that she never gave up on them, and although I never met her before their new heyday, I'd be willing to wager she never wore a bag over her head to a game. She was the personification of true fan. I hope wherever she was in the next life she's gone on to, she got to see this triumph.

The Saints are third on my list of teams to root for (the first two being the Houston Texans and the second being whoever is playing the Dallas Cowboys), so i was at a bar watching the game with lots of fans for both sides. The contingent of N.O. rooters was pretty silent the first half, but I did my best to keep up their spirits with comments like "They started slow against Minnesota, too."

"Who Dat?" Nation has a right to celebrate. Wish I could be in the French Quarter this week.

I quit drinking back in June of last year, so this was my first time to watch a Super Bowl sober since about 1979 (when I was still under age...) For that reason, I guess some of the commercials that I might have liked when I was drinking came off as just plain annoying sober. The Bud Light commercial where the people build a bridge of bodies to get the beer truck across a gorge where the real bridge was down was one of those. As far as the commercials, Betty White and Abe Vigoda playing football in the Snickers commercial, the fiddling beaver for Monster.com and the one for kgb, a communications company, I think, in which two guys had to find out how to say "I surrender" in Japanese to a sumo wrestler (the loser says "Bring it on fat man") were the funniest.

Now I have to endure a six-month long dry spell until the next season starts, but it was a great ending for a 2009-10 season.

Barguments Topic #4

2010-02-07T16:17:00.000-06:00

from page 247:
You've been accused of murder. You can pick one attorney from television to represent you. Who do you hire?

Geez. The first question I have is "Am I guilty?" (There are a couple of people who only for lack of the proper weapon at the time who have escaped my being in that situation...)

For the purpose of the topic, though, lets assume I'm innocent, and being falsely accused. There are several who come to mind right off the bat:

Perry Mason:

Has the advantage because he "never lost a case". But hold the phone, Mason did lose at least one case, and in the TV series, he lost three.

Ben Matlock:

Well, I like the man, but those down-home homilies can get pretty annoying. Its kind of like having Jed Clampett as your parole officer. You get a good representation, but you gotta put up with the hog waller.

Dan Fielding:

Well, only if the prosecuting attorney is a homeless midget with an affectation for bright pink ties. Then my attorney might offend him enough to drop the case....

And the winner is: Charles Kingsfield!

As the hard-nosed professor of law (and former attorney, whom I would convince my case was well worth coming out of retirement for), Kingfield has the personality, verve and keen intuition to make it as the best legal defender. And besides, he gets it, because he did it the old-fashioned way.

He eeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrrrrned it.

(If you have to ask, you are too young...)

Saturday Night at the Movies: Frost/Nixon (2008)

2010-02-07T14:04:00.000-06:00

(A Nixon related film two weeks in a row, you ask? Well, this was a special case. The library has had this one for several weeks, and I had it reserved, but as so often happens, to me at least, with new acquisitions, the person that had it before me kept it for days after it was overdue.)

The story is the behind the scenes and actual interview of Richard M. Nixon by British talk show host David Frost. The actual interviews portion is only the latter half of the movie. The first part deals with Frost's attempts to get Nixon to agree to an interview and the efforts he made to get it financed and produced. The film was nominated for several Academy Awards including Best Picture.

As for the movie itself, it was a pretty good one, but in my opinion it does have a few flaws, aside from a couple of historical innacuracies (which are to be expected in dramatic performances. it's not a history class, after all.) First, I found some of the scenes to be rather drawn out, without much coming to spur on the plot, except to establish character. I also did not like Sam Rockwell in the role of Reston. I don't know whether Reston was portrayed accurately or not, but Rockwell's performance came off as being rather stereotypical Nixon-baiting conspiracy freakish.

Frank Langella's portrayal of Richard Nixon is not the best I have ever seen. Anthony Hopkins' portrayal in Oliver Stone's Nixon (1995) was better, but both were up for the Best actor award in their respective portrayals. Both Langella and Michael Sheen (as David Frost) had previous experience doing the roles on Broadway. Personally I think Sheen's performance was better as far as the film goes, but it was not him who got the Academy nom.

All in all, this is worth a couple of hours of time though, and i wasn't totally disappointed (although I do wish Ron Howard would go back to making comedies. I miss the early style like Splash, Cocoon, and even Night Shift.)

Barguments: Topic #3

2010-02-04T13:33:00.000-06:00

From page 169:
What was the best team to ever win the Super Bowl?

Most people probably rank the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins or maybe the 1985 Chicago Bears in this position. And all the Cowboy fans will put one of the Cowboys winning teams as #1, no matter what. Having never had my team make the big game when they were still the Houston Oilers (and they lost the only time they made it after moving to Tennessee), I had to choose some other team.

Despite the fact that whenever the Oilers were in Houston the hated rival was the Pittsburgh Steelers, my biggest Super Bowl team is the 1978 Pittsburgh team. Terry Bradshaw and Lynn Swann and the rest of that storied team of the 70's literally dominated that season and ended up with one of the most spectacular wins in Super Bowl history. It ranks as one of only two Super Bowls that I watched from kickoff to final whistle without even so much as a restroom break. (The other was the New England win over St. Louis (but I had $300 riding on that one).

Now, if the New Orleans Saints have the dominant game that I am hoping they have over the Colts this year, my opinion could change.

Bingo of the Week: 02/02/10

2010-02-02T14:47:00.000-06:00

Todays bingo is sraddha.

I got back into the habit that started me on this Bingo of the Week kick today, that being to read through a page a day (or at least as often as possible) of my copy of the OSPD, the official dictionary for Scrabble. This one jumped out at me today. My typical play when I have an "h" in my rack is to get rid of it as quickly as possible, a bad strategy because it usually backfires, but thats me. This is one of my favorite types of bingoes, one that will be sure to have your opponent challenge it. Then not only do you look like a genius, but if you are playing with the additional rules, he or she gets a penalty.

Barguments: Topic #2

2010-02-01T14:55:00.000-06:00

From page 21:
What is the most exciting sports event of the year?

I'll give you a couple of hints:

1. There is only one game for all the marbles, not the best of five or six or seven. One team comes out the rest go home and sulk until next year.

2. If that doesn't give it away, the current one is due to kick off in 6 days.

Of course, its the Super Bowl. And if theyd just take out the halftime shows, it would be perfect. The best commercials get their start on the Super Bowl, too. And time and again, the most memorable moments of sports are in the Super Bowl. Adam Viatieri's field goal with 7 seconds left in Super Bowl XXXVI. Lynn Swann's two big catches in Super Bowl X. Ricky Sanders' 80-yard touchdown run in Super Bowl XXII (all the more memorable for me because I was attending SWTSU and in the dorm lobby with a bunch of guys watching the game and the entire lobby erupted in cheers when the screen said "Ricky Sanders from SWTSU") (even the Broncos rooters cheered...)

I love the Super Bowl more than all the others also, because it was the one sport I wanted to play in school, but I was way too small. I could've tried out for baseball, but found it boring. I was short for basketball, but Muggsy Boggues was an inch shorter than me and he had a pretty good pro career, so it may not have been a foredrawn conclusion... But football was my favorite sport from grade school on to watch.

Saturday Night at the Movies: All the President's Men (1976)

2010-01-31T15:51:00.000-06:00

In 1974, Richard Nixon went on the air to resign the Presidency of the United States. This was the end result of an investigaion into his staff and presidency that began two years previously with 5 burglars who had been arrested breaking into the watergate offices of the Democratic National Committee.

Robert Redford & Dustin Hoffman star as Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein,two investigative reporters for the Washington Post, the newspaper credited with blowing the lid off the cover-up that was known as "Watergate". I remember watching this movie on TV years ago, but I was still an idealistic teen at the time. And I still thought Hollywood was a place where they made movies, not politics.

That said, on this, my second viewing, I can only conclude that the various Academy Awards (both nominations and actually awards) must have more to do with the political climate in Hollywood than with the actual acting. This is not a slight on William Goldman, the screenwriter, as much as it is on Redford and Hoffman, both of whom come off as rather cardboard and bland to me.

Jason Robards who plays Ben Bradlee is only on screen about 5 minutes or so of time the entire movie, and yet he consistently won awards from almost all awards groups as best supporting actor, despite the fact that I personally didn't think his character stood out any more than the rest of them. Laurence Olivier (Marathon Man), Burt Young and Burgess Meredith (Rocky), all three up for the Best Supporting Actor Academy Award were all better in their respective roles. I think its a telling thing that neither Redford or Hoffman were nominated for Best Actor.

The investigative journalism on the face of it is rather interesting, and despite the fact that the acting was less than stellar, it still has some interesting scenes, and is worth a look, even if only for the historical impact the events pictured had on the country.

I rate it 2½ out of 5 stars.

Friday Funnies: 01/29/10

2010-01-29T15:33:00.000-06:00

Friday Funnies

Most of us have to commute to work, unless we are lucky enough or foresightful enough to have our own business and our domicile located next to our place of busineess, like my father. Here are a few commuter jokes and cartoons to help you bear up under that daily commute:

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I'm going to explode."

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment. "What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?" "No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common." "Tell me! What is it?"

(wait for it...)

"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

(And I just head that groan. Admit you still thought it was a little bit funny...)

At a commuter train station a policeman noticed a woman driver bowed over the steering wheel of her car shaking hysterically..
'Is there anything wrong ma'am?' said the policeman.
Half crying and half laughing the woman responded, 'For ten years I have driven my husband to the station to catch his train. He makes my mornings miserable — every morning for 10 years he has missed his train, until today. Ten years of listening to him go on and on and on telling me about how I make him lose out on enjoying his coffee and paper in peace. This morning he nagged me all the way to the station and we finally made his schedule. He is on HIS train!"
'Okay, said the policeman feeling a little confused, 'Then why are you laughing?'
'He doesn't work Saturdays and I am going out for the rest of the day!'

(Never mess with a woman. Especially if she is your wife...)

Barguments: Topic #1

2010-01-28T13:27:00.000-06:00

A note about the Barguments threads: I reserve the right to change. I said yesterday that Barguments was going to be Monday's regular topic. well, on further consideration, I decided to add it as Thursday's topic, too. After all, with 250 or so topics, I can do two a week and it will still take me over 2 years to go through the book.

From page 88: List the top three guitar players in history.

This is a great topic for this thread to start out. I mean there is so much freaking debate here. Someone is bound to say, "Dude, I can't believe you didn't list Eddie Van Halen!" (or Jimi Hendrix, or Carlos Santana or any number of great guitarists.)

But then, that is why its a great topic. Everyone has their top three, and no one's is going to be identical to another (if it were that would just be plain freaky...)

So without further ado, here are my choices.

1. Robert Fripp:

Anyone who is saying "Robert Who???" should check out a late 60's-early 70's band called King Crimson. Especially listen to the albums "Red" and "In the Court of the Crimson King". I feel that Fripp is an extremely talented an innovative musician.

2. Yngwie Malmsteen:

I saw Yngwie open for AC/DC in the mid-80's. Never heard of him before. In my opinion, that night, he kicked AC/DC's proverbial a**. He is a classically trained guitarist and most of his albums include a track or two of classical music influnced or outright interpretations of classical pieces.

3. Gary Richrath:

OK, I admit that 25% of the reason Gary makes number three is because I saw him on his solo tour and he had the graciousness to sign my R.E.O. album. :-) But his solo work on the "You Get What You Play For" R.E.O. live album, and the song "Golden Country" which he wrote are both excellent, and I would gladly pay to see him perform again.

OK, now its your turn. Leave me a message and if you decide to put up your own choices on your blog leave me a link.

Lets try this again.

2010-01-27T14:44:00.001-06:00

OK, so this makes about 100 times that I have said I'm going to be more diligent in my blogging (if you add the number of times I've promised on ...and then I read, my book report blog. (Which by the way hasn't had a new report since sometime last year, but I hope to rectify that soon).

My job has granted me 10 hour days plus as of this week, mandatory overtime on Saturdays too. Which means I will have to bust my butt to keep to my promise to do this schedule, but I will try my damndest. Note any holidays will disrupt the schedule due to the library being closed, but otherwise, I will make this my schedule for posts.

I am moving my movie night to Saturday. so we start out like this:

Sunday: Saturday Night at the Movies: Same as before, I will review a movie, most of the time it will be one I borrowed from the library, but occasionally I will rent new releases.

Monday: Barguments: A book I just bought which has interesting discussions you can debate in a bar. I will be giving my answers to the questions.

Tuesday: Bingo of the Week: for Scrabbleheads, I will hightlight a seven-letter bingo for use. Most of the time I will try to find more obscure ones that you might not think of even if you have the tiles needed.

Friday: Friday Funnies: Jokes, humor, cartoons, something to kick of your weekend.

Bear with me on this schedule, I will make every effort to follow it.

Not this time, 'Boys.

2010-01-17T14:48:00.000-06:00

I live in what Dallas Cowboy fans smugly crow is "Cowboys Country" (although the city where I live is about 50+ miles closer to Houston than Dallas, so it really is more Texans Country, but a high IQ, or even the semblance of an IQ period, was never a requirement for status as a Dallas Cowboys fan...). I am not alone in this area as a fan of the other team when it comes to the Cowboys, but I do consider myself the ultimate anti- Dallas fan. To wit: If my other team's winning a game means the Cowboys go to the playoffs, I will root for my team to lose. That hasn't been the case yet, but if it ever does happen, watch and see if I don't.

It never fails around here. They beat an inferior team and all of a sudden, Super Bowl rings are in the definite future THIS season for Cowboy fans. I told any of them who would listen, which admittedly were few and far between, that Minnesota was not Philidelphia, either as a team or a venue for a game. The Minnesota Vikings play in a domed stadium, and anyone who has ever been to one can tell you, domed stadiums are rough for the visiting team (and their fans). Noise is a big factor, especially if the home team gets an early start. I only watched the game, but TV has a way of bringing it live and in color into your own living room these days, what with improvements in technology.

So it is with great happiness that I watched the Vikings destroy the Cowboys chances of a Super Bowl visit once again. The final straw that breaks the camel's back and makes Cowboy fans jump ship? I'm nowhere near that idealistic. But it will shut up the guys at work about a Super Bowl this year. So peace will reign until next month, when the draft happens, and they start up again about "Look who we got this year... Super Bowl." Yeah, shut up.

Bingo of the Week: 01/13/10

2010-01-13T13:31:00.000-06:00

The Bible, whether or not you accept its validity as a religious book, can be the source of several bingos that are perfectly acceptable in the game. I noticed this one while reading a passage from the book of Luke .

denarii: The plural of denarius, a coin used in the ancient Roman empire. According to my Bible, a denarius was the equivalent of a day's wages, so more than one would be quite a bit of money.

Luke 7:40 Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty.

Sunday Night at the Movies: Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982)

2010-01-11T12:13:00.000-06:00

When I first saw this movie when it was released in the theaters, I thought it was pretty good. And I hesitated to have my memories come crashing down on me, much like subsequent viewings of other fondly remembered movies from those days did. (ie. "Xanadu" which I readily admit I enjoyed as a teenager, but watched again in the late 90's once and wondered how the hell I ever liked that piece of crap.)

Steve Martin is not always on my list of favorite movie stars. I can list on the fingers of one hand the movies which I will watch again and again that features him. But I admire a lot more of his comedy writing talent than I do as an actor. "My Blue Heaven" was totally without a good side in my opinion, whereas although i didn't like his portrayals as Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther remakes, I still thought they were pretty funny, as far as the writing went.

But I found I still enjoyed DMDWP, even after the long delay between viewings. Over that period of time, I had watched many of the clips of old film noir movies they had spliced into the plot line, too, and enjoyed all of them, so that may have colored my judgement.

To give you an overview, Steve plays Rigby Reardon a private detective, who is hired by a very hot Rachel Ward as Juliet Forrest, who wants him to investigate the mysterious death of her father, a scientist. What ensues is what I still consider a tour de force of plotting, in which Martin interracts with characters who are, in our reality, characters from other older film noir movies, often with hilarious comments from Martin.

Over the course of the film, Reardon discovers that there are cryptic lists "Friends of Carlotta" and "Enemies of Carlotta". Just who Carlotta is and why a list s being made of her enemies and friends is one of the may mysteries that Reardon faces. I won't give away the final part of the movie because its just too hilarious to spoil it by telling the outcome. Rene Santoni and Carl Reiner (who also dircted) are guest stars in a very entertaining movie.

4 stars.

Smile the Weekend's Here

2010-01-09T13:48:00.000-06:00

A day late, but better late than never, comes this weeks Friday post. Here is some humor to get you to Monday.

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started." Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............," he sighed, ..... "Let's put all of these frosted flakes back into the box."

Politicians are the Dumbest Species

2010-01-07T14:17:00.000-06:00

I just heard about this on the radio this morning or I would have already addressed the issue.

Councilman John Clamp of Distict 10 of the San Antonio City Council gets the award for the dumbest politician of the week. He is proposing a fine on motorists who hand out cash to panhandlers in an effort to make the panhandlers leave the city. So lets break this down, councilman: Rather than enforce a restriction on homeless people panhandling, you are going to institute a new law for police officers to either ticket or arrest the good-natured Samaritan who helps him out? And just how does this accomplish anything except to fatten the coffers of the city....oh Now I see.

John Clamp: Dumb Politician of the Week

Congratulations on your award. No need for a speech.

News article and news video

Show Me the Money

2010-01-06T12:34:00.000-06:00

I have been doing several things at work that a supervisor is supposed to do. I filled in over the past few years when our last supervisor was on vacation. The sad news is he passed away the day before Thanksgiving.

I continued to fill in, doing things like locking up over the holidays and checking on the night's production, the same things I did when he was not there. But I never expected (nor for that matter, really wanted the responsibility of) the official supervisor's job, which would have included an increase in pay, but also an increase in responsibility.

Of course, sure enough, they called back another of my fellow formerly laid off coworkers, and gave him the supervisor's job. Yesterday, I was asked why I hadn't filled out the paperwork for shift production on Monday. I informed the person in charge that that should now be the job of the official supervisor, and that I had told him the night before where the paperwork was and what to do to fill it out.

The PIC wanted me to still do that, but I was insistent that if our former supervisor had been in charge of doing it, then it should now be the job of the person hired to replace him. I think the PIC might be a little afraid of confronting new people because he seemed reluctant to go talk to the new supervisor, but I remained steadfast in the fact that I should not be doing what a supervisor was paid to do.

Sometimes you gotta just bite the bullet. Stepping up to fill in where needed is something I seem to be willing to do, but doing the job of another seems to me akin to being paid minimum wage to be a doctor.

Bingo of the Week: 01/05/09

2010-01-06T11:16:00.000-06:00

How many people have had thos peskyHs crop up all in one rack? I usually ditch them pretty fast by spelling "huh" or "hah". Here's one though, that not only plays out the Hs but gets a bingo too.

harumph: an expression noting disdain, protest, or dismissal.

I didn't get a "harumph" out of that guy!
Give the Governor harumph!
Harumph!
---Blazing Saddles

Sunday Night at the Movies: The Man with the Golden Arm (1955)

2010-01-04T10:40:00.000-06:00

A very controversial movie for it's time, The Man With the Golden Arm stars Frank Sinatra as Frankie Machine, a newly released convict from prison who is determined to leave his old life behind after his release. He was a heroin addict and Dealer for an illegal gambling card game. (Note, I make a distinction here (Dealer with a capital D refers to the card dealer, while dealer with the little d refers to the drug dealer). He has big plans to become the drummer for a big band, and even takes steps to try to get a job as one.

Eventually he meets up with old acquaintances and falls back into his old lifestyle. You are rooting for him to succeed, and unless you have an even more cynical mind than me, you will be disappointed when he starts down that path.

Eleanor Parker as Zosh, his wife, comes off as she was meant to be seen, as an extremely needy and selfish person. At the outset, you see her in a wheelchair, and gradually coto find out that she was injured in a car accident when Frankie was driving drunk. She is supposed to be permantly injured, but early in the movie we find that she actually can walk, but has kept it hidden from everyone, incuding Frankie.

Arnold Stang (who, by the way, only just passed away just before Christmas in 2009) will be immediately familiar character actor who appeared in many movies and TV shows of the era. He plays Frankie's best friend "Sparrow", a hustler. Also appearing are Darren McGavin (of Kolchak fame) as the dealer, and Kim Novak as Molly, a woman who has a caring interest in Frank, in direct opposition to how Zosh cares about him.

A number of other familiar faces appears as minor characters, but the one that kept me wondering was the character of Vi. You may, as I did, wonder where you've seen her before. A glance at IMDb, my default place for such puzzlers, failed to trigger a memory, but I imagine I have seen her in old TV shows.

The scenes where Frankie is dealing with his addiction are traumatic, so I suggest that this may be one you don't want to watch with the little ones, unless you want them up all night with questions or even nightmares. Sinatra was nominated for the Academy Awards for Best Actor on this one, but lost to Ernest Borgnine in Marty. Having seen both, I preferred Sinatra's performance, but I'm not a member of the Academy (in fact I wasn't even born yet then, but that's immaterial...)

I rate this one 3½ out of 5 stars.

The Schedule (subject to change at the author's whim, or lack of computer access...)

2010-01-03T14:33:00.000-06:00

Now that I am back online, here is what you can expect as regular features in the coming weeks, months and years (assuming God lets me live beyond today.)

Monday: Sunday Night at the Movies: Each Sunday, I will be setting aside time to watch either a classic movie of bygone days or a recently released movie. You can except a no-holds barred criticism or a gushing accolade or something in-between on my Monday report.

Wednesday: Bingo of the Week: I'm bringing back a feature I tried to get going last time around for any Scrabble-heads out there reading this blog. For those who don't know, in Scrabble, a bingo is a word that uses all 7 letters in your rack.

Friday: Smile, the Weekend's Coming: This will be a feature containing jokes and cartoons I either heard or found on the net.

Anything else will be at my whim. I'll try to keep it interesting.

Take this Bag and Shove It

2010-01-02T15:52:00.000-06:00

It never fails. I go to Taco Hell, Jack-in-the-Crack, Mickey Dees. I go through the drive-thru and order up a burger or whatever passes for edible in these joints and specifically ask to be given it with no bag. The point is to try to save the bag for the next customer. It's not a "green" thing, I just don't want to waste the damn bag.

What happens is, either I get some kind of argument that its "company policy" to give me the bag (B***S***, if that's the case then even walk-in orderers would be given the stuff in a bag) or else, they take the stuff out of the bag (after I already told them before they bagged it I didn't want one) and then wad the bag up and throw it away. That's exactly what I was trying to avoid, Poindexter.

Of course, one of the arguments they give me is they can only do it that way if I walk in. Fine, unlock the damn front door, I wanted to walk-in anyway. The point here is all of my drive-thru shopping is because the walk-in doors are already locked. I want to disabuse you of that idea from the outset. I don't use the drive-thru because I'm lazy, but because its my only option. I get off at 11 at night, and I want a snack. Where am I gonna go? Get greasy day old hot dogs on stale buns at the convenience store?

I thought there was a standard in this country that the customer is always right. Apparently, "Have it your way" went out with platform shoes, because I can't seem to get it my way, even if I am the only person who does want it that way...

The Return of the Quigg-man

2010-01-02T15:50:00.000-06:00

I had nothing for 8 months, but now I'm back. You can chalk up a lot of the dry spell to the fact that I spent 6 months of it on the unemployment line and wasn't in the mood to do much, but I'm back.

Don't Rock the Boat

2009-05-30T11:55:00.000-05:00

First off the boat, excuse the pun, I want to post the classic Bill Cosby Noah pieces from his album "Bill Cosby is a Very Funny Fellow, Right!"

There's fella by the name of Noah, built an ark. Everybody knows he built an ark. You say "What did Noah do?" "Well he built an ark" But very few people know about the conversation that went on between the Lord and Noah. You see Noah was in his rec. room sawing away, he was making a few things for the home there. He was a good carpenter...

Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa, whoompa

Noah!

Somebody call?

Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa

Noah!

Who is that?

It's the Lord, Noah

Right! Where are ya? What you want? I've been good.

I want you to build an Ark

Right! Whats an Ark?

Get some wood build it 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits.

Right! Whats a cubit?

Lets see a cubit...I used to know what a cubit was Well don't worry about that Noah. When you get that done go out into the world and collect all of the animals in the world by twos male and female, and put them into the ark.

Right! Who is this really? What's going on? How come you want me to do all these weird things?

I'm going to destory the world

Right! Am I on Candid Camera? How you gonna do it?

I'm gonna make it rain for a thousand days and drown 'em right out.

Right! Listen to this, you'll save water Let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights a nd wait for the sewers back up.

Right!

I just wondering, What would be the effect of an Ark on the average neighbour?
Now, here's a guy going to work, 7 o'clock in the morning Noahs next door neighboor and he sees the Ark.

Hey! You up there!

What you want?

What is this?

It's an Ark.

Aha You wanna get it outta my driveway? I gotta get to work Listen, what this thing for anyway?

I can't tell you Hahahahaha!

Well, I mean can't you give me a little hint?

You wanna a hint?

Yes, please

How long can you tread water? Hahahah!

'Course Noah had a heck of a job really He had to go out and collect all the animals in the world, by two's... Two mosquitoes, male or female. And, uh, he had to keep telling the rabbits "Only two, only two, only two."
So we find Noah pulling up the last two animals, two hippos and he's really in a hurry to get em up because hes afraid that the Lords gonna call him and ask him to do something else. And his nevers are shot This is one heck of a job for a man 600 years old. So we find him pulling up the two last hippos and of course the Lord does call him there.

Com'on fat hippos hurry up Com'on will you please?
Noah!

What? What you want?

Gotta take one of those hippos out and bring in another one.

What for?

'Cause you got two males down there and you need to bring in a female.

I'm not bringin' nothin' in. You change one of em'

Com'on you know I don't work like that.

Well I'm sick and tired of this I've had enough of this stuff. I've been working all day, working on it for days and days. I'm sick and tired of this.

Noah!

Yeah?

How long can you tread water?

Yeah, well I got news for you . I'm sick and tired of this whole mess. The whole neigborhood's out there laughing at me. They're all having a grand time at good old old Noah there. I went out there at my best friend Larry.

"I've been talking to the Lord, Larry"
Larry said "Oh, really?"
"Yeah yeah Lord, Larry, Larry, Lord"

You walked off laughing and I hear 'em all laughing at me. You know I'm the only guy in this neighbourhood with an Ark? People around here laughing, picket signs walking up and down. I'm sick and tired of this stuff here. People walking around here..."How you doing Tarzan? How's everything up there?" Sick and tired of this mess here. You supposed to know all and see all. You let me go out there a nd bring in a pregnant elephant, you give me no manual for delivery or nuthin' Never told me the thing was pregnant. There's good old Naoh waitin' underneath the elephant there......Brrrrroooooooooom Right on top. Sick and tired of this mess here I've had enough all this stufff or you runnin' around. You supposed to know all and see all like I said before. You let me go out there and do all this stuff here, you never even looked in the bottom of that Ark. Have you looked down there? No! Who's gonna clean up that mess down there? Not me, I tell you. I've had enough of this stuff. I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm letting all these animals out, and I'm gonna burn down this Ark and I'm going to Florida somewhere ause you haven't done nothin' I'm sick and tired of all this mess, you foolin' around and you haven't done nothin... and now you got it..... rainin'

It's not a shower is it? Ok Lord me and you right 'cause I knew it all the time.....

And now some rules to live by from Noah's Ark:

1. Don't miss the boat.

2. Try to remember that we're all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, you know.

4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do
something REALLY big.

5. Don't listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

8. Two heads are better than one.

9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on
board with the cheetahs.

10. When you're stressed, try floating awhile.

11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic
that was built by professionals.

12. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms
outside.

13. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There'll be
a rainbow at the end of the storm.

Have a grat day.

Time

2009-05-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

Well, here it is almost two weeks later, abd with all the free time I have (no new job yet), I still haven't posted much of anything. At least I am still alive.

Hoping to get back on track starting tomorrow.

Bingo of the Week - 05/23/09

2009-05-23T12:16:00.000-05:00

puccoon: n. a plant used by Native Americans to make a red dye. It comes from the Powhatan tribe word, poughkone.

Thursday Night at the Movies: Cadillac Records (2008)

2009-05-22T14:06:00.000-05:00

This might just turn in to the only thing I get dione for a while. Got a lot a free time since the layoff, and I can probably watch a movie every night. Something I couldn't do on my old job, since I worked 2nd shift, and most nights was too tired to sit up for an entire movie.

This movie caught my eye when I was @ Movie Gallery on Sunday. I don't remember hearing anything about it, so I don't even know if it was released theatrically or not. What you get here is a biopic, a movie based on true events. The central characters are Leonard Chess (played by Adrien Brody), the owner of Chess Records, a blues medium in the 40's and 50's, and Muddy Waters (real name McKinley Morganfield, played by Jeffrey wright), a blues musician from the South, who migrated to Chicago to be a musician.

Other people who show up in the movie are Little Walter (Columbus Short), Howlin' Wolf Burnett (Eamonn Walker), Willie Dixon (Cedric the Entertainer). Chuck Berry (Mos Def), and an incredible peformance by Beyonce Knowles as Etta James. (Her performance of James' "At Last" will throw chills up your spine.)

Blues music is something that I have enjoyed and collected over the years, so I liked hearing the old standards again. But watching the credits, I was blown away again. Everybody knows Beyonce comes from a musical background, so it was no surprise that she had recorded the versions of Etta James' songs here. But what hit me was that each of the actors were credited as having recorded the versions of the songs they sang on screen, too. The most impressive one, in my opinion, was Walker's Howlin' Wolf. He got the gravelly sound down so pat that its hard to believe he isn't lip-synching, even in retrospect.

A very impressive movie indeed.

Layoffs Hit Home

2009-05-20T15:23:00.001-05:00

I've been in a funk since Monday. Not only did I get laid off, but they waited around until after I clocked in to tell me.

To understand the reason why this is bad, you have to understand that I go in an hour early, and sit and read in the break room until time to clock in. This is not an occasional thing, this is every day routine. Not only that, but all the bosses KNEW I was there, so why wait until I clocked in to tell me? For that matter, why not call me to come in early, so I could get a quicker jump on the day?

I've been given to understand that I will be getting around $400 a week from unemployment, so it will be close to what I was pulling before the layoff. And given time, (and intelligence in D.C. [uh-oh]) the economy will bounce back. Until then, I will be even more sporadic here than I have been. Just not in the mood.

Bingo of the Week - 05/16/09

2009-05-16T14:20:00.000-05:00

ganjahs: to put it bluntly, it's pot, weed, marijuana. It'll give your scrabble mates a turn if you are known to be straight-laced, if you lay that one on the board.

Driver's Ed.: It's Not Just for Teenagers Anymore

2009-05-14T10:08:00.000-05:00

I took driver's education in high school 30 some odd years ago, but even past that ages ago event, I remember what I learned. It's too bad that, apparently, some people forget or more likely just ignore what they learned in the same class.

Today, while going down the road on a four lane road, I saw the approach on the other side of a fire truck. I was told that (in Texas at least, but I'm sure it's the same in other states) you are to pull over and come to a stop, unless traffic conditions make it impossible to do so. (Like on the interstate).

So I obeyed what I know to be the law. People on the same side of the road, however, passed me. One driver, who was behind me at the time, pulled out into the other lane and I heard the impatience he must have had in the tromp on his gas pedal to get around me.

One time, a couple of years ago, I witnessed what was an event that was even more irking to me. Again, I was travelling down the opposite side of the road when i saw an approaching ambulance. The driver was hampered by the fact that no one seemed willing to give up the road, despite the lights and sirens. And that was on the opposite side. The same thing occured on my side of the road with people passing me, a lane which would, and SHOULD, have been available for the ambulance driver if the law was follwed. I can only hope that whomever the emergency involved survived.

No one is above the law, but apparently that only matters if it's not an inconvenience.

Tuesday Night at the Movies: The Caine Mutiny (1954)

2009-05-13T12:32:00.000-05:00

I got a new DVD player yesterday, so to celebrate, I moved up movie night one day!

Humphrey Bogart is a hard man to hate. Not the actor, I mean, but his characters. Even when he is at his most callous and hard-hearted, I found that I could at least accept his characters for what they were, warts and all.

But that was before I watched this movie. In it, he plays one of the most loathesome characters I have ever seen on screen. Capt. Queeg, at first, is a strict disciplinarian, and a character that, although I might have found him a little rough, was still a man with whom I could like at some level. But that did not last. More on that later.

The focal point of the story is the character of ensign Keith (played by Robert Francis) who has just been given his first assignment as a navy officer aboard the Caine, a minesweeper. Keith is put off by the lax discipline aboard the ship by the captain, DeVreiss. Early on however, DeVriess is replaced by Capt. Queeg, whose discipline is much more in tune with what Keith likes.

During one dressing down of a seaman, however, Queeg neglects his duties as a captain, and the result is a cut towline. But Queeg refuses to accept responsibility, blaming others for his mistake. Later, he becomes erratic and exhibits more paranoia when it discovered that someone has taken the leftover strawberries that were served wih dinner.

Eventually, his erratic behavior results in his second in command, Lt. Maryk (played by Van Johnson), to relieve him of his command during a dire situation in a typhoon. The next part of the movie is a trial of Lt. Maryk for mutiny. Two more big names are here with E. G. Marshall as the prosecutor and Jose Ferrer as Maryk's defense attorney.

Bogart does an excellent job, as do the others. I'm putting Herman Wouk's book that the movie was based on my reading list.

The First Church of Our Glorious Football

2009-05-10T14:55:00.000-05:00

Somewhere I read a list of "new improved state religions" for each of the 50 states. It was done tongue-in-cheek (I think) but it rang true for the listing for Texas, for sure, when it listed "Football". (I will be using a capital "F" when spelling "Football" for obvious reasons.) The book and movie "Friday Night Lights" really drives this point home. Take the time out for one or both. They cover the Football phenomenon in Texas very well.

A few years ago, up in Dallas, the Dallas county commissioner proposed moving the Friday night Football games to Saturday morning in the wake of several incidents of violence after games. Even though these incidents occured away from the field and school property, it was thought this would reduce the chances of violence.

This sparked an uproar, even on the radio here in south Texas, some 200-300 miles from the focus of the controversy. The basic idea on the "anti-change" side was "You can't do that! Friday night Football is a Texas tradition." Taking Football out of Friday nights is even worse than taking God out of the schools. After all, everybody knows that on the 8th day, God created Football. And without Football, we are all doomed to watch T.V. on Friday nights. Have you seen the junk the networks put on Fridays? God meant for us to be at Football games on Fridays, because He in His infinite wisdom knew that NBC stands for Nothing But Crap, ABC stands for Astoudingly Boring Clutter, and CBS stands for Commercials (and) Brainless Stuff.

Like atheists, in Texas if you don't beleive in Football, you are looked on with patronizing sympathy or astounded disbelief. The true beleiver in Football is at the Stadium (Stadium is also capitalized for obvious reasons.) every week, rain or shine, win or lose. They know the prayers by heart. (Go, team, go!) (Get him!) (Block that kick!) and of course (DEEE-FENSE!). The fans fill the home Stadium with overflowing capacity that sometimes threatens to edge the visitors out. But unlike a Church, the worshippers at the Stadium are not interested in attracting visitors, because the visitors are something akin to satanists. They are there to undermine the faithful's attempts to pray to Football to give them victory.

Sometimes the Stadium genuinely rocks physically with the holy rolling of the participants. This is the effect that Football has on some. It turns your average milquetoast accountant into a raving fan. For the best effect of this, you have to go to a Stadium where arch rivals are playing Football against each other. The aforementioned "Friday Night Lights" covers one Odessa-Permian vs. Midland Lee. There are others, including some in the Dallas area which was the instigation of this post.

With definite tongue-in-cheek and a hope that it is taken that way, I end with the following:

"For God so loved the world that He gave them Football, so that whosever believed in It would not be bored, but have Everlasting Victory."

Bingo of the Week - 05/09/09

2009-05-09T16:41:00.000-05:00

Today's bingo comes from the pre-Columbian tribesman of the ancients.

cazique was a term used for respect to the tribal chiefs.

How We Gonna Feed Our Children?

2009-05-08T11:31:00.000-05:00

Popeye's Runs Out of Chicken

You gotta see this video. It's just too ridiculous to be believed.

In essence, a news crew filmed a bunch of people ranting about a local Popeye's in Rochester, New York running out of chicken during a special, and closing up. Some of the comments made by these people are just unbelievable. One woman wanted to know how she was going to feed her children since she couldn't get Popeye's chicken. Hey sweetheart, you know what a freakin' stove is for?

And if notice, most of the people in the video have cell phones. So you're telling me you can afford $50 or so a month for a cell phone, but you can't afford to spend a couple of bucks more by going to KFC or Church's? I'm willing to bet they weren't out of chicken. You people need to get a life. Not everything revolves around you, no matter what your momma told you.

Wednesday Night at the Movies: The Shootist (1976)

2009-05-07T12:29:00.000-05:00

(Still waiting for a windfall so I can get a new DVD player, so here's another classic favorite from days past.)

Hard to believe that such a diehard John Wayne fan as myself waited so long to see his swan song, The Shootist, but it was only a couple of years ago that I finally got my chance. Chalk it up to TNT and the other cable stations never showing it at a time that was convenient for me to tune in.

The opening of this movie, featuring scenes from Wayne movies gone by, and a voiceover by Ron Howard (Gillom Rogers), tells the background of one J. B. Books, a gunfighter, or "shootist" of some renown. As the movie starts, Books arrives in El Paso to see a doctor he trusts (played by Jimmy Stewart). It turns out that Books has a cancer and does not have much longer to live.

He rents a room from a local woman, Bond Rogers (Gillom's mother), who does not, at first, realize who he is. When she finds out she immediately demands that he leave, but he refuses, saying that he intends to die in El Paso.

Soon, everyone knows the identity of this stranger in town, including several who are individually rubbing their hands in anticipation of being the one to gain fame by outshooting the legendary shootist. These include a charismatic gambler (played by Hugh O'Brian), a pugnacious merchant (played by Bill McKinney) and another gunfighter (played by Richard Boone).

Personally I think Wayne's performance here tops even his Academy Award winning performance in True Grit, although he was not even nominated for the role. The Academy did nominate the art direction for one, but it lost out to All the President's Men.

For the most part, it is a good movie, although if you read the book it was based on, the character of Gillom has been toned down a bit, obviously to keep Ron Howard's image intact (at the time he was still playing the white bread chacter of Richie Cunningham on Happy Days.)

Meme Monday: An Alphabetic Meme

2009-05-04T12:23:00.000-05:00

I found this one on a couple of blogs while just surfing blogspot blogs and decided to give it a go.

A is for your age: 47

B is for your burger of choice: Jester Burger from Jack's Roadhouse, a local beer joint that has a kitchen. Its got cheese, jalapeños, bacon and ranch dressing. yum.

C is for the car that you drive: Used to be a Chevy P.O.S. but I just got a Nissan Sentra.

D is for dog's name: Last dog I had was when I was syill living with my parents. Over the years we had Bourbon, a border collie, Tiny, a beagle, George, not sure what he was, and Bandit, a terrier.

E is for an essential item you use each day: A Zebra F-301 pen. Its gotta be fine point pen for me, and they make the best. Never leave the house without it.

F is for your favorite television show: Monk.

G is for favorite game: Scrabble or backgammon. I'm playing a lot of those two on my game websites.

H is for hometown: Born in Durham, NC, but was raised in Pottsboro, TX. I call San Marcos, TX home now.

I is for instruments played: Does air guitar count?

J is for favorite juice: Pineapple/orange mix.

K is for what you'd like to kick: Obnoxious self-smug Dallas Cowboy fans.

L is for last restaurant you dined at: IHOP, a Thursday morning tradition.

M is for your favorite muppet: Animal.

N is for number of piercings you have: None. I don't even like to get shots. Hate needles.

O is for overnight hospital stays: None. I guess I'm lucky.

P is for people you were with today: Just the crowd here at the library, so far.

Q is for what you do in quiet times: Think up new offbeat stuff.

R is for regrets: Regrets, I've had a few, but then, too few to mention.

S is for status: Single.

T is for time you woke up today: 6am.

U is for what you consider unique: Me. There surely can't be more than one of me. God help the world if there is.

V is for favorite vegetable: Onions! There had better be some on my burger or I'm sending it back.

W is for your worst habit: I have a temper, and shoot off at the moutyh fairly easily.

X is for x-rays you have had: More than I can count, which is why I said earlier that I'm lucky having never had overnight hospital stays.

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Fried chicken from Chicken Express. they have the best.

Z is for zodiac sign: Sagittarius, but astrology is a crock of %#$@, so it's not really important.

Well, there you go. Anybody else wants to follosuit with this meme, let me know so I can read yours.

Bingo of the Week 5/2/09

2009-05-02T12:05:00.000-05:00

Today's word is currach. It is an Irish boat. Good word to know when you have been stuck with both the Cs.

How to Drive Like an A*hole in 6 EZ Lessons.

2009-05-01T11:48:00.000-05:00

1. If you are on a two-lane road, drive five miles under the speed limit. Speed up when anyone tries to pass you.

2. When coming to a stop sign, if you are turning right, look to see if someone is coming. If they are more than 100 feet away, go ahead and pull out in front of them. They need to make sure their btakes work, after all.

3. If your lane is ending up ahead, no need to move into the other lane until it actually does end. But do it so that the guy in the other lane is forced to hit his brakes to allow you in front.

4. Never, never, ever use your turn signal. Keep those jerks behind guessing what you are going to do.

5. When driving through a parking lot, be sure to keep the car moving. Don't worry about the pedestrians, they'll get out of the way if they know what's good for them.

6. When on a four-lane or larger road, ride the car in front of you's bumper. Never mind that there's an empty lane next to you. You can't be passing someone with only one hand on the wheel, and you are on the cell phone with the other, so let them tough it out.

Where is Sanity?

2009-04-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

"Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!"

The news is out and it's not good. We are just one level away from a full blown pandemic. People are worried about this swine flu that has, so far, has not killed any U.S. citizens. The one death, in texas, turned out to be Mexican national, on a visit in the U.S. with parents. All U.S. citizens who have contracted it have gotten over it.

Yet schools all over Texas are temporarily closing their doors. My workplace has suspended any plant meetings for two weeks. (At the same time, they have not told people to take staggered lunch breaks, so everyone still congregates in the break room at the same time.)

According to an article on theage , the World Health Organisation claims that there are only 7 confirmed deaths from this new swine flu, and all of them in Mexico. it also says that only countries who have had contact with Mexican nationals have contracted the disease. In other words, these countries who are banning meat and killing pigs are overreacting.

Panic in the streets is never good. If we start cringing every time someone near us coughs (as someone across the table is doing at this very instant) then we might as well lock ourselves in a hermetically sealed room until the air raid sirens tell us that it's safe to come out.

Facebook Is Sapping My Soul

2009-04-29T13:06:00.000-05:00

I'm way behind on my blog and Facebook is to blame. I didn't get a Bingo of the Week posted here Saturday, and almost nothing at all for 4 whole days because some dumb S.O.B. set me up with a Facebook account. (Oh, wait a minute, I guess that dumb S.O.B. would be me...)

Its not just that. Some of my best humor is going up on Facebook, where it only lasts for a day at the most, rather than here, where it is more permanent and readily accessible. That's like being a stand-up comic in a chat room. Sure, some people will laugh, but unless the tapes are rolling, it will not be left for posterity. Just think where we'd be if no one had taped Richard Pryor or George Carlin or Lenny Bruce.

Not that I'm comparing myself to those geniuses of wit. Just pointing out that time is a fleeting thing, and if I ignore the future in favor of the present, there will only be a few vague memories of things past.

Humor 101: How to be Offbeat and Funny in 3 EZ Lessons

2009-04-24T11:43:00.000-05:00

Updates on my Facebook account are a treat. The heading begins with my name, so I add words to follow that makes it flow like a third person narrative ie. Winnthrop J. Quiggy "is off to the races." I let my humorous nature go into high gear when I do these updates, to be entertaining. Here are a few, with some analysis of the humor behind it.

Winthrop J. Quiggy had to scrap his plans for world domination this weekend. there is a rerun of "Paint Your Wagon" on T.V.

Now the key here is the movie. Sure somebody homing in on world domination is funny in itself, but scrapping the plans to watch a movie is only funny if it's the right kind of movie. Scrapping plans to watch "The Matrix" just makes you sound like a geek. If you said you were going to watch "The Dirty Dozen", well now you sound like you might have even been serious about the world domination. But to scrap the plans in favor of a musical, and a western/musical to boot, that's offbeat and unexpected. Lesson #1: Humor is about the unexpected.

Winthrop J. Quiggy once told a department store Santa that he didn't believe in the North Pole.

By the time we are adults, we have lost the belief in Santa Claus. But if you assume that Santa doesn't exist, would it not stand to reason that the North Pole was fiction, too? Lesson #2: Humor is taking the preposterous and making it real.

Winthrop J. Quiggy is looking for Ms. Right, but will settle for Ms. Left.

There are some jokes that derive their laughs from dual meaning words and changing the context of the word within the sentences. Or taking like sounding words and using them in a different context like "Winthrop J. Quiggy is going out on a limb and taking a bough." Lesson #3: Play on words are an essential in some humor.

Hope this helps you get your own sense of humor on the right track. Or the left one if you prefer.

Wednesday Night at the Movies: El Dorado (1966)

2009-04-23T12:14:00.000-05:00

If I have to go on movies that I have seen before while waiting on a new player(see previous post), there's none better than what qualifies as my favorite John Wayne movie and is tied with Blazing Saddles as my favorite movie of all time.

El Dorado was basically a remake of an earlier Howard Hawks film, Rio Bravo. In both the overriding theme is John Wayne helping out a buddy who is the sheriff, along with a stranger who comes to the aid of the good guys. And, in both, the sheriff has developed a drinking problem which hinders his ability to perform his duties.

The main reasons why I preferred El Dorado to Rio Bravo are two. The first is that I consider Robert Mitchum (J. P. Harrah) to be a superb actor, and who knows whether Dean Martin was acting or really was drunk in those scenes. The other is that, without an actor who has a singing career on the side, there was no need to put a ridiculous, pointless sing-a-long in the middle of El Dorado to highlight his (or her) vocal talent.

John Wayne has the role of Cole Thornton, a gunslinger for hire who is entreated by Ed Asner (Bart Jason) to help in a range war. Wayne ends up declining the job, but six months later finds himself back in El Dorado to help his friend, the sheriff, and the family on the other side of the range war, led by its patriarch, Kevin Macdonald (played by R. G. Armstrong).

James Caan, as Mississippi (real name Alan Bourdillion Traherne {"Lord amighty!}), is entertaining, as is Arthur Hunnicut (Bull), both in roles of comic relief. The action is prety much the same as any Wayne western, but the final shootout scene is still one of my favorites, rivalled only by the classic farmhouse rescue scene in Silverado. Hmm, maybe I'll review that one next week.

Death of a DVD Player

2009-04-23T12:03:00.000-05:00

My Wednesday Night at the Movies entries will be on movies that I have previously seen for the next few weeks. Last night I discovered, to my chagrin, that my 4 year-old DVD player was no longer working. It rattles and clicks around when I put a DVD in, then tells me I have a "Bad Disc", even when I put a brand new disc in. I don't know if it can be repaired, and if I have to buy a new one, it will be about a month or so before finances will open up enough that I can buy a cheap one from Wal-Mart.

Meme Monday: Facebook Faves

2009-04-20T11:29:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm on Facebook. Go figure. As if I don't waste enough time. Here are a few of the "5 favorite" listings I have done recently on my Facebook account.

5 Favorite Cars:

(These are all T.V. cars)
1. 1969 Dodge Charger (the General Lee from "Dukes of Hazzard")
2. 1974 Ford Gran Torino ("Starsky and Hutch")
3. 1982 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am (KITT from "Knight Rider")
4. Ferraria 308 GTS (not sure of the year model; "Magnum, P.I.")
5. 1970 Plymouth Barracuda ("Nash Bridges")

5 Favorite Movies:

1. El Dorado (1966) My pick for John Wayne's best movie.
2. Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
3. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8th Dimension (1984)
4. Escape from New York (1981)
5. Blazing Saddles (1974)

5 Favorite Sports Teams:

1. Whoever plays the Dallas Cowboys (NFL)
2. Houston Texans (NFL)
3. San Antonio Spurs (NBA)
4. Houston Astros (MLB)
5. St. Louis Blues (NHL)

And the follow-up to that one

5 Sports Teams whose fans I wouldn't waste spilling my $6 beer on:

1. Dallas Cowboys
2. Dallas Mavericks
3. Dallas Stars
4. Texas Rangers (who are based in Dallas)(notice a pattern here?)
5. University of Oklahoma Sooners

5 Favorite Guitarists:

1. Lonesome Dave Peverrett (late frontman for Foghat)
2. Gary Richrath (formerly of R.E.O. Speedwagon)
3. Yngwie Malmsteen
4. Ritchie Blackmore
5. Joe Satriani

5 Favorite Songs ever:

1. 157 Riverside Ave. (the live version) - R.E.O. Speedwagon
2. Slow Ride - Foghat
3. Gettin' in the Mood - Brian Setzer Orchestra
4. Convoy - C. W. McCall
5. Sweet Home Chicago (from The Blues Brothers movie soundtrack)

5 T.V. Shows I grew up on:

1. M*A*S*H*
2. Taxi
3. NBC Mystery Movie (which had "Columbo", "McCloud", "McMillan and Wife")
4. Sanford and Son
5. Hawaii Five-O

And the last one:

5 dead people you would have liked to have dinner with:

Obviously with my strong humorous streak they would have to be:
1. Richard Pryor
2. George Carlin
3. Groucho Marx
4. John Belushi
5. Milton Berle (Uncle Miltie)

There you go. No tagging here, fill your own if you want... or not..

Humor Without a Paddle

2009-04-18T11:49:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to Lester Bickenhoffer, born on this day in 1929. In 1950, Lester figured out a way to put time in a milk jug, dye it white, and sell it to children as the ultimate cat food. Hundreds of children across America bought Lester's concoction and the result was interesting, to say the least.

Marijuana and marriages both have nine letters. Both begin with the letters "mar".
"Mar" is defined as a verb meaning "to spoil or be the one bad feature of". Coincidence? You be the judge.

A coherent thought once entered my mind. By the time the poor thing got out it had to go through years of therapy.

I once told a department store Santa that I didn't believe in the North Pole.

In retrospect, I think it was a bad idea to use a lawnmower to give myself a haircut. Next time, I think I'll just use a weedeater.

Bingo of the Week: 4-18-09

2009-04-18T11:31:00.001-05:00

Today's bingo is brought to you by the letter "K". Thank's Sesame Street.

koumyss: n. A drink made from camel's milk.

This is a variation spelling. The standard is koumiss or kumis, but I chose this one because the pesky y is used. I often have trouble with Y. I can't say I'd be anxious to try this stuff, but it is a fermented drink, so beggars can't be choosers...

Wednesday Night at the Movies: Victor/Victoria (1982)

2009-04-16T11:55:00.001-05:00

I have to admit I never cared much for musicals. Movies like Grease, Fiddler on the Roof, West Side Story and the like may be visually stunnng, andeven well-acted, but breaking out in expository song to evoke the moment always put me off. Even if the songs were rather good, it still felt a little bizarre, since no one in the real world does that. (At least, no one I know.)

Victor/Victoria is a good example, however, of how a musical can attract even a diehard like me. To start out, the songs are actually part of the stage productions within the movie plot, and at no time do any of the characters just start belting out their feelings in verse. Not to mention, Julie Andrews, no stanger to those kind of musicals of which I do have a dislike, is a very fine actress. And I like Robert Preston, too.

The basic premise here is two down-and-out performers in France (Andrews and Preston) get together to pull off the ultimate con, convincing the theater public that Andrews is a man who is a female impersonator. To complicate the matter a bit, there is James Garner as a Chicago industrialist (or gangster, if you will), who is convinced, despite what the two are pretending, that the "male" Andrews is really a female.

This is actually a very funny movie without being over-the-top, or hitting you in the face with schtick, as it easily could have been. Credit for that must go to Blake Edwards' direction, as he seems to do well most of the time in that role.

The movie won an Academy Award for original music score. So my Academy Award winning movie streak still runs.

Global Warming, My Wet Patootie!

2009-04-15T15:54:00.000-05:00

I live in south Texas, where the average temperature rarely gets below freezing (32°F ) even at night. And in April especially, it is warmer than the rest of the country by comparison. According to the Weather website, the average is around 60° at night, but recently it has been in the 40s. And once last week it was down to 33°.

Years ago, scientists tried to warn us there was another coming ice age, that the world was getting colder. Now the threat du jour, courtesy of whacknut former vice-president al Gore, the world is supposedly getting hotter. Really? Then why the %&*$# am I having to wear long johns and a blanket to bed? At the average of 60°, I would be sweating with my warm-natured body, but instead, I need to bundle up.

Anyone Want More Spotted Dick?

2009-04-13T10:55:00.001-05:00

I like the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader series. I have the entire run of the annual ones (up to 21 now), and even a few of the more esoteric ones which are devoted to a single subject. They are fun to read and the articles have a range from 1 to 4 pages, ideally suited for use in the bathroom, so that's where I keep them.

Today, I was reading an article on the list of strange dishes served up by the British (at least strange to this American) along with the equally odd names they are given. Fair warning, if you have a queasy stomach some of these might churn it.

Spotted Dick: A dessert pudding, made with beef fat, flour and raisins or currants (the spots), rolled into a tube and boiled.

Bubble-and-Squeak: It's mashed potatoes and chopped cooked cabbage, mixed together and fried like pancakes. (Anything with cabbage in it is definitely something to make me run the other way.)

Toad-in-the-Hole: Fried sausages baked into a Yorkshire pudding.

Jellied Eels: It's pretty much what it sounds like. Eels cooked until the juices become like jelly. (And they say I'm weird because I like sardines...)

Cock-a-Leekie: Chicken soup with leeks and prunes. (Prunes???)

Stargazy Pie: A pie made with whole fishes, arranged in a circle with the tails in the center and the heads pointing out. (Mommy, that one is staring at me...)

I don't know about you, but I'm hungry...

If

2009-04-11T11:48:00.000-05:00

Not the "If" of Rudyard Kipling fame, just some musings of my own.

If you gave the Trix rabbit a machine gun, do you think he'd finally get those bratty kids to give him some Trix? "Say TRIX ARE FOR RABBITS, you little punks! Say it!"

For that matter, if Lucky the Leprechaun made a weapon instead of lame escape vehicles, would he be able to prevent those brats from stealing his Lucky Charms? "always after me Lucky Charms. I'll make a bazooka and blow them away!"

If I got a t-shirt printed with the words, in Klingon, "If you can't read this you are an idiot", would I get the crap beaten out of me when people asked me what my t-shirt said?

If you give all the politicians in Washington D.C. an overdose of Ex-lax, would they completely disappear?

Here's one that takes a little thought. Kevin Fowler, a country music artist, has a song called "Beer, Bait and Ammo". In the song he sings about going to the fishing hole, but stops off first to get some bait. Then a line in the song goes
"a box of 12-guage
would be all the rage".
If you go fishing with a 12-guage shotgun, will you be arrested or just written off as a kook?

If I post this, does that mean I've gone off the deep end or is it too late for that?

Bingo of the Week: 4-10-09

2009-04-10T13:55:00.000-05:00

Todays word is

xerarch: (adj.) Originating in a dry habitat.

The letter x is useful at times, but lately I seem to have to settle for the two letter words. I am currently browsing the OSPD, a page a day, randomly chosen. This was one that jumped out at me.

Lies Your History Teacher Told You

2009-04-10T11:56:00.000-05:00

Howard Bagby, who wrires a blog ( In Purple I'm Stunning 2.0 ) that I read every day includes a question each day that he is getting, I assume, from a website somewhere. These are questions of the kind used on the TV show, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Yesterday's question was
"Grade 2/U.S. History.

Who was the first black person to play on a major league team?"

Of course, the answer to the question on the website, as I knew it would be, was Jackie Robinson. But anyone who ever watched the PBS documentary, Ken Burns' Baseball , learned that there were black players on major league teams in the 1880's before the (regrettable) public outcry forced the leagues to kick them out. The name of the actual first black player in the major leagues was one Moses Fleetwood Walker who played for the now defunct Toledo Blue Stockings, which was a major league team for one year.

This caused me to remember some of the othermyths that have been perpetrated over the years, to the point that we accept them as fact. Due largely to the influence of the famous poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, we believe that Paul Revere rode to warn the colonists that "the British are coming!" The truth of the matter is that there were three riders that night, the other two reportedly were William Dawes and Samuel Prescott. And not only that, but it was Samuel Prescott who succeeded. Both Revere and Dawes were captured before they could complete that famous journey from Lexington to Concord.

We have been led to believe that the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves, but it really didn't.

"And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all persons held as slaves within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons."

Note here that the designated States were the States that had rebelled and formed their own country, to wit, the Confederate States of America. The ending result of the Civil War notwithstanding, at that time the executive orders of the President had no jurisdiction and therefore had no impact.

For more breaking down of iconoclastic traditions, check out Richard Shenkman's excellent books on the myths of history:
Legends, Lies and Cherished Myths of American History, Legends, Lies and Cherished Myths of World History and "I Love Paul Revere, Whether He Rode or Not".

Wednesday Night at the Movies: Cool Hand Luke (1967)

2009-04-09T12:13:00.000-05:00

40 years. That's how long it was between the first time I saw this movie, as a kid at my grandparent's house, and last night. Back then, it was a fairly newly released movie, playing on one of the three network's (We only had three back then, for all you younger readers out there...). That was when you were almost guaranteed a recent release to be shown on prime time TV. Of that first experience, I only remembered Strother Martin's famous line "What we have here is failure to communicate" and the egg eating scene.

Flash foward to 40 years in the future, now. My library has a pretty good DVD collection, and I found out they were going to be getting this one. So I signed up to be the 1st in line to check it out. In keeping with what is a recurring theme, I did get a movie that won an Oscar, this one for George Kennedy's portrayal of Dragline.

I saw a lot of the movie with an eye for imagery, because early on I caught a scene thart harkened back to my viewing of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. In the scene just after Newman wins the egg eating contest, he is shown in a position that looks startlingly like he is in the Christ figure position on the cross. That colored the rest of my viewing, and yes, it does seem like Newman, like McMurphy in OFOTCN, is represented as a Christ figure for the inmates.

Luke starts out as a model citizen, but becomes distraught after the death of his mother, briefly played by Jo Van Fleet, an excellent scene in which it is foreshadowed that she is going to be dying soon. I don't know for sure, however, if it is just the fact that she hads died that sends him over, or if it is being subjected to time in solitary simply because the warden is sure he will try to run. the warden of course is proven right since that is exactly what Luke does first chance he gets.

Great movie.

"Closed" means "Not Open", Homer

2009-04-08T10:09:00.000-05:00

I had intended on writing on an entirely different subject today, but I've got something on my chest, so I'll forgo it for another post. This is important.

I live in a town of about 50,000 permanent residents. Texas State University accounts for maybe another 29,000, some of which are commuters from outside of town and some of which may be longtime residents, so whittle that down to roughly 20,000 temporary, transient residents.

I do all my internet trafficking at the local library, which has its hours clearly stated on the front of the building. It opens at 10am. I get here, sometimes as much as 20 minutes early, because I have no other plans, and just want to catch a good parking spot. From my car I have a clear view of the front of the building where, again I point out, the sign is visible to show that it opens at 10am.

Invariably, every day, there are at least ½ a dozen people who go striding up to the automatic doors, and are dumbfounded when they don't open. Today, I even saw one person reach out and try to push it open. You could dismiss the younger, college-age students, because, as I said, this is a university town and some of them may not know the library hours yet.

But there are even old-timers who come up to the door, apparently unaware of the hours of operation. What gets me is that none of these people even look at the sign stating those hours until after a minute or two of fruitless efforts, sometimes even trying the other door (there are two), as if the one door may be broken.

I have to admit a little evil streak here. On occasion, instead of waiting in my car, I have been known to hang around outside the door, while waiting. On those occasions, some of the people will come up to the door and upon not getting in, will ask "They aren't open yet?". On those occasions, I will say not 'til 10. But on a couple of occasions I actually said, "Yeah. The door's broken. You gotta push it open." Of course, they try my advice and are upset when it doesn't work. Hey, if you can't read what are you doing at the library, anyway?

My father owned (and still owns) a store where this kind of thing happened, too. The "Closed" sign was on the door, at eye level for most folks, but people would still rap on the door and try to push the door open. Then pull, in case that was the way it opened. Then rap on the door again. He had on display for years a cartoon, "They'll Do It Every Time" (done by Al Scarduto and/or Bob Dunn, my research gives both those names for the time period), which displayed exactly the same scene, and the people saying something like "They aren't open?" with the closed sign visible.

So, Homer, the moral of the story is if it says "Closed" they probably just forgot to turn the sign over. After all you are more important than the people in charge of operating the business.

UFOs and You

2009-04-07T12:33:00.000-05:00

The pod people are coming! And the little green men from Mars are already here!

I was once a believer, I admit, but over the years, age has made me a cynic. I have never seen anything yet to make me think that there are aliens among us. I have, however, twice seen flying objects that I could not identify. However, here is the nub: Just because I couldn't figure out what they were does not inherently mean they were objects piloted by otherworldly creatures.

If you had seen a stealth aircraft before it was unveiled to the public, you probably would have thought it was an alien craft, at least if you were susceptible to such thoughts in the first place. It looked like nothing that had ever been flown before in the Earth's skies. But the fact is it is man-made technology that created it.

Which brings me back to the two sitings. One day I saw what, to me, looked like three balloons clustered tightly together, floating across the sky. It moved in a staight and steady line, not bobbing at all, like it would have if they had been balloons. And besides, there was no wind to be blowing them if that had been the case. Do I think aliens were piloting a ship designed to look like a cluster of ballons? Absolutely not.

The other siting was much more mundane, a triangle shaped craft that passed over my head at a fairly low altitude, without any engine sound that I could detect. It was easily identifiable as a man-made aircraft, however. Why? Because it had running lights on the underside. No alien aircraft would have need for running lights for interstellar travel. Thats like having the Enterprise make banking turns in the Star Trek films. The only need for banking is to combat resistance from wind, and there is no wind in space.

The conspiracy theorists are all the offspring of Dave Gribble from King of the Hill, and Fox Mulder. They all have an inherent distrust of the government and are willing to believe that it is capable of anything, mostly to deceive the public, and keep us from learning the "truth". I prefer to remain entrenched in reality, however, and until I have actual physical proof which my senses cannot deny, I still think of it as a crackpot theory.

Meme Monday : An origanal meme (I hope)

2009-04-06T13:17:00.000-05:00

I'm better at filling out someone else's meme than I am at creation. But for some reason, I thought giving it a go was something I might be able to pull off. This one basically takes all sorts of venues and has you step into the spotlight, in place of the person who is already there, or as the hero in your own right. Enjoy.

1. If you could trade places with someone for one day, who would it be, and why?

2. Which T.V. show character, if any, do you wish you could play? (It doesn't matter if you can't act. For this question, you are assumed to have the talent.)

3. What is the one movie that you feel exemplifies your life?

4. You have the opportunity to have your life story ghostwritten. Who is your choice to fill the role?

5. Musical question. You can be the founder, and main star, of a musical group. What is the name of your band? What is your genre of music? What instrument do you play?

That's it. Now go and fill it out.

My answers:

1. If I could trade places, I'd like to be Donald Trump. Just long enough to make out a check to a guy in Texas....

2. My favorite T.V. character is, and probably always will be, Adrian Monk, from the T.V. show, "Monk". The quirky character suits my personality to a T. although I'm not near as obssesive about cleanliness....

3. "Stranger than Fiction". Sometimes I am almost certain someone must be pulling the strings in my life.

4. I would like to have Harry Turtledove write my story. He is one of my favorite authors, and one of the few who could handle the cast of characters in my life.

5. My band, a rock band, called Aardvark. I even have the idea for the title of the first album "Nose in the Mound" with all the innuendo that suggests... And I wanna have one of those unique bands with an incongruous instrument, like Jethro Tull and the flute, or Kansas and the violin. So of course, my instrument would be a theremin. Go here if you have no idea what that is.

Exit, pursued by bear.

2009-04-05T15:26:00.001-05:00

The Darwin Awards are awarded to dead people (most of the time, anyway) who did something so outlandishly stupid that resulted in them being takenout of the gene pool. Having loads of time on my hands and nothing better to do, I was browsing the website Darwin Awards. Here are a few of my favorites:

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A guy in Italy was in line for a stop light. Just before the stop light was a set of train tracks. The guy, (apparently a Dallas Cowboy fan on vacation since I see this happen a lot here), pulled up and ended up having to stop on the tracks. Meanwhile, a train is coming. The bars come down. What does idiot do? Gets out and runs, of course. Toward the train trying to get it to stop. It did. After he was hit. He didn't survive. Score: Train - 1, Idiot - 0.

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A man was out hunting in a field with some friends and his dog. The dog found a bone. The man tried to take away the bone, but dogs being dogs, this one didn't want to give it up. The man started swinging his rifle, muzzle first. He hit the ground the gun went off. Score Rifle - 1, Idiot - 0

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From the state of Georgia (U.S.) comes the story of a city dump inspector who spotted what appeared to be a bottle in the trash compactor. No, he didn't get crushed. He got out and proceeded to share his find with a fellow employee. Unfortunately, while he thought someone had actually thrown away a perfectly good bottle of wine, what they had actually thrown away was a perfectly good wine bottle filled with antifreeze. Trash - 2, Idiots - 0.

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And then there's the final story which inspired me to use the classic Shakespearean direction for the title. They found a naked man, mauled to pieces by a pair of bears in their zoo cage. There were lots of empty beer bottles nearby. And they found the guys clothes untouched by the bears. So apparently he had tried to what....? Was he was successful at it and the male bear got jealous...? Bears - 1, Idiot - 0.

Happy Humor Week

2009-04-04T12:33:00.000-05:00

A website I used to frequent more often, 123greetings, says that this week, April 1-7, is humor week. I love humor, so in honor of that, I am going to post a few of my favorite jokes.

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A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender says "No, this is a bar. We don't have any need for grapes", and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender again says "No. I told you yesterday, this is a bar. We don't use grapes" and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the bar again and asks "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."

The lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?" Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

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(This last one I found in a list of the world's worst jokes, but I think it's hilarious, so sue me)

A priest, a kangaroo and a piece of string cheese walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"

Happy Humor Week, all.

Bingo of the Week: 4-4-09

2009-04-04T12:21:00.000-05:00

Today's word is jumbuck. Those "J"s and "K"s are hard to play sometimes, and when you couple them with a couple of "U"s, they can be a pain in the butt. But here is a word that can pay off big, especially if you get lucky with a bonus square or two.

Jumbuck is an Austrailian term for a sheep. Most notably, wikipedia references the son Waltzing Mathilda as a source for the word. Its been a long time since I heard that song.

I Can Cure All Ills

2009-04-03T11:52:00.000-05:00

It would appear that I am more convincing in my creativity than I gave myself credit for. On Tuesday, I published a blog entry titled "My Favorite Album" in which I proceeded to describe a rap tribute album to Def Leppard, as recorded by Tone-Loc. The album itself does not exist. (Although I later found out that there is indeed a "Hip-Hop Tribute to Def Leppard" available on Amazon. And the three songs I mentioned in the fictional album were on the real CD. Weird coincidence.)

The whole ruse was spelled out in the first letters of each paragraph, had anyone noticed. The letters spelled out APRIL FOOL. At least several of my friends who read it actually believed the content, however. I wish I could be that convincing all the time, I might run for President.

Wednesday Night at the Movies: Marty (1955)

2009-04-02T13:26:00.000-05:00

The 1955 Academy Award for Best Picture and Best Actor went to
Marty and Ernest Borgnine, respectively. This story, the tale of a 34 year old bachelor whose family and friends are constantly badgering him about why he hasn't married is touching. The character of Marty Piletti, as played by Borgnine, is well worth of the accolades.

One Saturday night, Marty goes to a dance club where he meets Clara, a rather homely looking girl, with whom Marty finds an attraction. As his relationship becomes serious, the same people who were nagging at him about not being married are disparaging his choice in a woman. Heroic characters like Marty only come along once in a lifetime, and he stands by his decisions despite what those around him are telling him.

The screenplay won an Academy Award, too, but I'm at odds with that decision, despite not knowing at this point what it was up against. My main problem was the thick Italian accented English used by the characters playing his mother and aunt. There was an interminably long sequence early in the movie where they are the only two onscreen characters and it just seemed contrived. Sure, at this point in time, caricatures were run-of-the-mill in movies, but I found it a struggle not to turn the movie off whenever they were onscreen.

All-in-all, it was still a good spending of an hour and a half, and I rate it 7 stars.

My Favorite Album

2009-04-01T11:25:00.000-05:00

All I have to say, at the outset here, is that I have a very eclectic taste when it comes to music. I like rock, jazz, country, classical, and yes, even rap music.

Particularly, I like when a band, (or a collection of bands in some cases), come together to pay tribute to a band or an artist of a different genre. Take for instance, the Rounder Records collections, which brought in studio bluegrass musicians to record instrumental versions of, among others, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.

Reasonably as good is a country tribute of ZZ Top songs, including Hank Williams Jr., Brad Paisley and a fantastic version of "Sure Got Cold After the Rain Fell" by Alan Jackson. And "I Got No Kick Against Modern Jazz" which was put out by GRP Records, a jazz tribute to the Beales. These are all available on Amazon.com, although some apparently only available used, from a separate seller.

I think, by far the most astounding "tribute album" was an album put out by '90's rap star, Tone-Loc, Tone-Def: A Rap Tribute to Def Leppard which has apparently disappeared from the face of the earth. The genius of this album was the combination of rap stylings with the heavy metal of Def Leppard. It may sound like the most incongruous collection imaginable, but you'd be surprised.

Loc has a gift for rhythm that fully encompasses the lyrics of Joe Elliot and company, and shines through, especially on tracks like "Photograph" and "Bringin' on the Heartbreak".

Far better than all the rest, however, is the Joe Elliot assisted version of "Pour Some Sugar on Me". Steven Tyler, eat your heart out. (Tyler, in case you didn't know, was backup on Run-DMC's version of Aerosmith's "Walk This Way".)

Oh, I know what you are thinking (especially if you are a purist for one genre or the other). How could anything like that ever have a decnt sound? Believe me, going into it I was just a skeptical, but the album changed my view on first listen.

One thing I do know, with many vinyl albums lost in the shuffle and not re-released on CD, the failure of the record company to put this gem back out is , in one word...

LUDICROUS!

Whew!

2009-03-31T12:29:00.001-05:00

I just finished retro-labelling all my enties on my book report blog.
...and then, I read...
I don't know if the label option was even available when I originally set it up. I only just noticed labels when I started looking at other blogs, and decided I wanted it for ...and then, I read..., too. By this time I had 106 entries to fix. Thank God I wasn't more active on it in the earlier stages or I'd still be doing it. It was a daunting task even at this level. Took me over an hour to label the entire list.

That'll teach me to be more observant in the future. Nah...probably not.

Meme Monday: 5 Things

2009-03-30T11:46:00.000-05:00

I love memes. You can be as creative or funny or serious as you want, all the while baring your soul to the general public. Here is a combination of several "5 things" memes I have run across.

5 Things I Was doing 10 Years Ago.

1. I was still on 1st shift. Same job, just earlier wake-up call.
2. I had no car yet, still rode a bicycle everywhere. (Oh, to be that young again.)
3. I guess I was reading a lot, since I was still 2 years away from getting online.
4. Regularly getting drunk on the weekend. (some things never change...)
5. I had a regular D & D group with which I played, all of whom have moved away.

5 Things on my To-Do List Today:

1. Well, obviously, finish this meme.
2. Get a little housework done.
3. write a letter to the folks.
4. Since I have the day off, get drunk. LOL
5. Pass out.

5 Snacks I Love:

1. Fresh strawberries.
2. Creme Savers® strawberries and creme hard candy.
3. Fresh strawberries.
4. Kellog's® Nutri-Grain™ strawberry cereal bars.
5. Did I mention fresh strawberries?

5 Things I Would Do if I were a Millionaire:

1. Move somewhere where Obama couldn't get his hands on it.
2. Become more active in the Libertarian Party.
3. Propose to Charlize Theron.
4. After she rejected me, try Alicia Silverstone.
5. Hmmm. Is Leann Rimes single, again, yet?

5 Places Where I Have Lived:

1. York, PA (until I was about 6mos. old)
2. Garland, TX. (until I was about 3 years old.)
3. Pottsboro, TX (where I grew up)
4. San Marcos, TX (since age 28)
5. Spent two summers in Washington D.C. in the late 80's.

5 Jobs I Have Had:

1. Fast food cook
2. Grocery store sacker
3. Grocery store stocker
4. Janitor
5. Machinist

5 Things You Didn't Know About Me (until now, that is):

1. Winthrop J. Quiggy is not my real name. It was the name of a character I designed for a role-playing game back in the late '80's. The character was a milquetoast alter-ego of a superhero. "Winthrop" because that was the wimpiest sounding name I knew. "J." because, in my favorite cartoon, "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" every character had the middle initial of J. (i.e. Rocket J. Squirrel, Bullwinkle J. Moose). "Quiggy" because the dictionary in the room happened to be opened to the Qs. I looked down and saw the entry for "quagga" and just changed a couple of letters.

2. I'm an avid collector of business cards. No, I'm not in sales. I just had a friend that collected matchbooks, and he kept them in a drawer. One day I commented that one spark could make the whole thing go up in flames. And then I said "It would be safer to collect business cards." That caused a light to go on in my head and I thought it was a great idea. the internet has helped me expand considerably since I have online acquaintances from all over the globe sending me contributions from their respective areas.

3. I am probably the only person in America who doesn't give a s*** who wins American Idol, Survivor, The Bachelor or any of the other mostly annoying and definitely boring "reality" show competions.

4. I am not claustrophobic (I could sit in a closet for hours if I had a light to read by) nor am I afraid of crowds, but the idea of sitting between two people in a row, or in the back seat of a car is uncomfortable.

5. I have some pretty unusual tastes in food, but the weirdest one is eating peanut butter and oysters on crackers. But the good news is I'm not alone. I met an old man a few years ago who admitted to having the same aste for that combination.

Usually at this point, you are supposed to tag people to do the meme on their blogs. I only have one person I know who is reading this regularly, so listing 5 is out of the question. But if you read this and decide to do it on your blog, leave a comment telling me where I can find it.

And You Thought You Had Bad Neighbors....

2009-03-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

I received this in an e-mail today. Of course, I "snoped" it out at Snopes.com, and it is true, except the email I got said it was an event in Wales, but the snopes article says it occured in Utah.

Read the story below before you look at the pictures.

Apparently what happened was one neighbor built his house a bit higher than the city ordinances allowed. He was forced to lower his roof at a considerable remodeling cost, so he got back at his neighbors by designing a ventilation cover that was supposed to be an "abstract cactus" That's pretty much how the e-mail ended.

So I went to Snopes and got, as Paul Harvey uaed to say, "the rest of the story." Apparently the feud had extended back even further than just the zoning ordinance. I can't tell from the way the article is written if the offending neighbor was just being belligerent or the complaining neighbors were just instigating anything that would make the new neighbor move.

Either way, here are the pics. The e-mail left off with the statement that nothing could be done since the vents were in regulation. But snopes verifies that the neighbor actually volunteered to take it down if his neighbors apologized, which they did and he did. but still, you gotta admire the chutzpah of the guy. At least I do.

Bingo of the Week:3-28-09

2009-03-28T14:16:00.001-05:00

Today's bingo is a little more common, but unless you are a Hebrew linguist, it might not be known to you.

daleths: daleth is the fourth letter in the Hebrew alphabet. Daleths is the plural form of the word.

Just say "No" to Cocaine.

2009-03-27T11:26:00.000-05:00

And the wheels of justice, every turning, succeed in making a mockery of reason. In Texas, a new energy drink, with the racy name of "Cocaine" has been banned for sale by the Republican Attorney General, Greg Abbott. The energy drink actually has no cocaine in it, unlike the original version of Coca-Cola®, and is completely legal, under any sense of the word, to market. Unless you are a self-righteous politician who is coming up for re-election next year, and need a platform to build a case for that re-election, that is.

How a soft-drink, or more properly an "energy drink", can be any more harmful to consumers because the makers claim it will get you "high" as opposed to, say "give you wings", is anybody's guess. Whatever the name of the product is, it's still what is in the product that matters. If the product were determined to actually have cocaine in it, then you have a case, not only for banning it, but arresting the makers for illegal distribution of a controlled substance.

But to make some kind of case out of it that the makers are inadvertantly (or even directly) promoting drug use is ridiculous. I'm not kidding. WOAI's afternoon talk jock, Joe "Pags", actually spent an hour in discussing this, and refused to budge, despite the fact that an overwhelming majority of his callers disagreed with him. As a matter of fact, in 2007, the Democrat Attorney General of Illinois used the very same criteria as a basis for removal of the product from sale in that state. (I wonder if she was up for re-election in 2008?)

The news story that I read stated that the office of Greg Abbott claims that "the defendant made unsubstantiated claims that it could help treat depression, lower cholesterol, prevent hardening of arteries and protect nerve fibers from glucose damage." If their website had these claims at one time, they are not there now, so I only have the word of the Attorney General that they did. I don't really think a company would be that irresponsible with laws governing such claims, but if it did, then the worst that should have happened was a fine and immediate withdrawal of the unsubstantiated advertisement.

Tune in next time, when we ban the Crock Pot. Surely they want people to start toking it up.

Wednesday Night at the Movies: All the King's Men (1949)

2009-03-26T11:43:00.000-05:00

It's a classic in corrupt politics, the story of Willie Stark, an unknown who seemingly comes out of nowhere to ascend to the governorship of some unnamed southern state.

Broderick Crawford, who portrays Stark, won an Academy award for his performance, as did Mercedes McCambridge. Interestingly, I had never seen a movie with McCambridge in it on screen, but I knew her voice well. (She was the voice of the Devil in The Exorcist).

The character of Stark is described as a populist. He is at the outset an idealist attempting to run for a role an treasurer in a backwoods county of the state, but is hampered by the powers in control, and loses. Later he is approached to run for governor, but it turns out that he was just being used as a tool to draw votes away from one opponent to allow another opponent an easy victory. It is at this point that the previously tea-totaler Stark is introduced to alcohol, and this appears to be the driving influence turning him into a fiery speaker, and eventually winning him the office in the next election.

However, in doing so, Stark eventually succumbs to the corruption that his campaign was about trying to drive out. The author denied it, but it is a popular belief that the book on which this movie was based was a parralel to louisiana governor Huey Long. There are some interesting parralels here to modern politicians, too, if you are watching carefully.

A bravura performance all around. 5 stars.

Cell Phone: Useful Gadget or Element of Destruction?

2009-03-24T11:12:00.000-05:00

Some states have them, some states don't. I'm talking about laws regarding cell phones and driving. According to the Governor's Highway Safety Association, "5 states (California, Connecticut, New Jersey, New York and Washington), the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands prohibit all drivers from talking on handheld cell phones while driving." And "8 states (Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Louisiana, Minnesota, New Jersey and Washington) and the District of Columbia have a text messaging ban for all drivers."

Using a hand-held cell phone requires, obviously, taking one hand off the wheel. That and the added distraction of using something that requires you to devote a minimum of attention away from the traffic and operation of a vehicle makes for hazardous actions. The number of deaths caused by accidents involving a driver using a cell phone alone should be enough to have every state enforcing a cell phone usage ban for all drivers.

Yet, taking my home state of Texas as an example, some states only have minor restrictions. For instance a cell-phone usage ban in Texas is only on school bus drivers, and novice drivers, although how they determine they are novice drivers in order to pull them over is anybody's guess.

There are even some states who have no restrictions at all, and don't even collect crash data about cell phone usage in accidents, according to the GHSA website. The guilty parties are Alabama, Hawaii, Idaho, Kansas, Mississippi, Missouri, New Hampshire, North Dakota, South Carolina and Wisconsin.

There should be a law in all states, completely banning the use of hand-held cell phones, regardless of the time of day, traffic or weather conditions, or any other mitigating factors. According to my research before writing this, several states do have bills on the docket for their legislature to consider this. I encourage them all to pass them. The lives we could save from it would be more than worth the inconvenience caused to those who commit this distraction.

Attack of the Weird Movie Titles

2009-03-22T15:19:00.000-05:00

The following has been posted before by me on different websites, in various forms, but the gist is always the same. The titles are real movie titles. (The comments in parentheses are mine, so laugh at them or blame me if they bomb)

Alone in the T-shirt Zone- (amazingly, the sequel, "Alone in the Wet T-shirt Zone" never got made...)

Hillbillies in a Haunted House- (Better known by its alternate title "Jethro Bodine Finally Scores")

Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid- (Look out! Hes got a pocket protector!)

A double feature:
Bad Girls From Mars-
Bad Girls Go To Hell- (Hmmmm. this could mean trouble....)

Mars Needs Women- (See, I told you so!)

Oh Dad, Poor Dad! Mamma's Hung you in the Closet And I'm Feeling So Sad- (But could you move over? I need to get my shoes...)

Angels Hard as They Come- (Imagine my surprise. Its not a porno flick...)

Where's Poppa?- (Isn't he still hanging out in the closet?)

Another double feature:
Its Dead! Lets Touch It!
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things- ( But we will anyway. Won't we guys? Guys....?)

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies- (That explains where you guys went....)

Please Don't Eat My Mother- (Actually, we've come for your daughter, Chuck.)

Redneck Zombies- (gaaaawwwwleee! yew look good enuf to eat!)

Don't Look in the Basement- (The attic ain't so hot, either...)

Hope you enjoyed it

Bingo of the Week

2009-03-21T13:41:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite pasttimes is scrabble and its variations. Maybe because I have been a lifelong reader. I am going to start out with a weekly entry for those of you who are fellow enthusiasts. Each week, tune back in for a new word. Most of these words will be ones that are not readily on the tip of your tongue, but can be highly useful to know if you happen to have the correct set of letters.

zymurgy:n.

Zymurgy is the branch of chemistry that deals with how things are fermented, such as beer. Which is exactly why I chose it as my first entry.

New Beginnings

2009-03-21T13:20:00.000-05:00

There are multiple ways of looking at life. I choose one that may seem peculiar at times to others, but it is the perfect viewpoint for my personality. As I say in my profile, I am definitely a clown at heart. My goal in life is to make people laugh, or at least take a little of the edginess out of their lives.