5/30/09

Don't Rock the Boat



First off the boat, excuse the pun, I want to post the classic Bill Cosby Noah pieces from his album "Bill Cosby is a Very Funny Fellow, Right!"

There's fella by the name of Noah, built an ark. Everybody knows he built an ark. You say "What did Noah do?" "Well he built an ark" But very few people know about the conversation that went on between the Lord and Noah. You see Noah was in his rec. room sawing away, he was making a few things for the home there. He was a good carpenter...

Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa, whoompa

Noah!

Somebody call?

Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa

Noah!

Who is that?

It's the Lord, Noah

Right! Where are ya? What you want? I've been good.

I want you to build an Ark

Right! Whats an Ark?

Get some wood build it 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits.

Right! Whats a cubit?

Lets see a cubit...I used to know what a cubit was Well don't worry about that Noah. When you get that done go out into the world and collect all of the animals in the world by twos male and female, and put them into the ark.

Right! Who is this really? What's going on? How come you want me to do all these weird things?

I'm going to destory the world

Right! Am I on Candid Camera? How you gonna do it?

I'm gonna make it rain for a thousand days and drown 'em right out.

Right! Listen to this, you'll save water Let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights a nd wait for the sewers back up.

Right!



I just wondering, What would be the effect of an Ark on the average neighbour?
Now, here's a guy going to work, 7 o'clock in the morning Noahs next door neighboor and he sees the Ark.

Hey! You up there!

What you want?

What is this?

It's an Ark.

Aha You wanna get it outta my driveway? I gotta get to work Listen, what this thing for anyway?

I can't tell you Hahahahaha!

Well, I mean can't you give me a little hint?

You wanna a hint?

Yes, please

How long can you tread water? Hahahah!



'Course Noah had a heck of a job really He had to go out and collect all the animals in the world, by two's... Two mosquitoes, male or female. And, uh, he had to keep telling the rabbits "Only two, only two, only two."
So we find Noah pulling up the last two animals, two hippos and he's really in a hurry to get em up because hes afraid that the Lords gonna call him and ask him to do something else. And his nevers are shot This is one heck of a job for a man 600 years old. So we find him pulling up the two last hippos and of course the Lord does call him there.

Com'on fat hippos hurry up Com'on will you please?
Noah!

What? What you want?

Gotta take one of those hippos out and bring in another one.

What for?

'Cause you got two males down there and you need to bring in a female.

I'm not bringin' nothin' in. You change one of em'

Com'on you know I don't work like that.

Well I'm sick and tired of this I've had enough of this stuff. I've been working all day, working on it for days and days. I'm sick and tired of this.

Noah!

Yeah?

How long can you tread water?

Yeah, well I got news for you . I'm sick and tired of this whole mess. The whole neigborhood's out there laughing at me. They're all having a grand time at good old old Noah there. I went out there at my best friend Larry.

"I've been talking to the Lord, Larry"
Larry said "Oh, really?"
"Yeah yeah Lord, Larry, Larry, Lord"

You walked off laughing and I hear 'em all laughing at me. You know I'm the only guy in this neighbourhood with an Ark? People around here laughing, picket signs walking up and down. I'm sick and tired of this stuff here. People walking around here..."How you doing Tarzan? How's everything up there?" Sick and tired of this mess here. You supposed to know all and see all. You let me go out there a nd bring in a pregnant elephant, you give me no manual for delivery or nuthin' Never told me the thing was pregnant. There's good old Naoh waitin' underneath the elephant there......Brrrrroooooooooom Right on top. Sick and tired of this mess here I've had enough all this stufff or you runnin' around. You supposed to know all and see all like I said before. You let me go out there and do all this stuff here, you never even looked in the bottom of that Ark. Have you looked down there? No! Who's gonna clean up that mess down there? Not me, I tell you. I've had enough of this stuff. I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm letting all these animals out, and I'm gonna burn down this Ark and I'm going to Florida somewhere ause you haven't done nothin' I'm sick and tired of all this mess, you foolin' around and you haven't done nothin... and now you got it..... rainin'

It's not a shower is it? Ok Lord me and you right 'cause I knew it all the time.....


And now some rules to live by from Noah's Ark:


1. Don't miss the boat.

2. Try to remember that we're all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, you know.

4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do
something REALLY big.

5. Don't listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

8. Two heads are better than one.

9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on
board with the cheetahs.

10. When you're stressed, try floating awhile.

11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic
that was built by professionals.

12. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms
outside.

13. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There'll be
a rainbow at the end of the storm.


Have a grat day.

1 comment:

Daisy said...

This piece by Cosby is great. Cute cartoon too. Have a nice weekend, Quiggy.