How to Drive Like an A*hole in 6 EZ Lessons.

1. If you are on a two-lane road, drive five miles under the speed limit. Speed up when anyone tries to pass you.

2. When coming to a stop sign, if you are turning right, look to see if someone is coming. If they are more than 100 feet away, go ahead and pull out in front of them. They need to make sure their btakes work, after all.

3. If your lane is ending up ahead, no need to move into the other lane until it actually does end. But do it so that the guy in the other lane is forced to hit his brakes to allow you in front.

4. Never, never, ever use your turn signal. Keep those jerks behind guessing what you are going to do.

5. When driving through a parking lot, be sure to keep the car moving. Don't worry about the pedestrians, they'll get out of the way if they know what's good for them.

6. When on a four-lane or larger road, ride the car in front of you's bumper. Never mind that there's an empty lane next to you. You can't be passing someone with only one hand on the wheel, and you are on the cell phone with the other, so let them tough it out.

1 comment:

FreakSmack said...

I think I have an addition to your list. It always happens to me.

Get in the right lane.
Put your turn signal on.
Slowdown for each upcomming road, but never ever turn.